


Try Try Again

by spooky_jimmy



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Also if you know me irl please don't, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Angst, Blowjobs, Drinking, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fights, Fucking, Ghosts, Humor, IT'S LONG, Josh is a jerk, Just read it bitches, M/M, Making Out, Partying, Questioning Sexuality, Regret, Rejection, Religious References, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicide, Thriller, Tyler is emotionally damaged, but it's worth it, lots of language, serious angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-11-01 21:12:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10930143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spooky_jimmy/pseuds/spooky_jimmy
Summary: Josh Dun is a college kid majoring in music who likes to get drunk and party on the weekends with his friends, especially his best friend, Brendon Urie.He has it pretty good until he stumbles onto something that completely flips his life around and makes him question everything, from the universe to his sexuality.THIS WORK IS UNFINISHED AND WILL LIKELY REMAIN THAT WAY FOREVER SO IF THAT BOTHERS YOU DON'T READ (although I left it at somewhat of a resolution)





	1. Ignorance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 20-year old Josh Dun out getting drunk. Typical.

2:34 AM  
  
Water dripped from the ceiling to the cold floor in a steady rhythm. It was a quiet noise, but it seemed loud in the stillness of the air. Jarring, even. Every drop shattered the absolute silence that engulfed the rest of the room. It couldn’t be said where it came from exactly, in the suffocating darkness. Only from somewhere up above in the shadowy ceiling. Below, tiny rivulets of the water made trails in the thin layer of grime on the ground as they ran across the metal and out of sight. Drip. Drip.  
  
6:12 AM  
  
A ray of light trickled into the room through the single cloudy window high above the door. The darkness reluctantly dispersed, revealing the bare metal ground. The incessant dripping, however, continued its rhythm. As the light crept higher and higher, it caught on a bright fleck on the ground, then another. An entire glass pen, shattered on the solid metal floor. Bright green shards of it glittered in the newly found sunlight. Even that, still, was coated in dust. It had not been touched in a very long time.  
~ ~ ~  
“Uh huh. Yep, we’ll be back soon but ‘s fine. Bye,” Josh slurred into the phone, quickly thumbing the red button to end the call. He stuffed it back into the pocket of his skinny jeans as he turned around, letting a slightly drunk smile spread across his face. “We’re good!”  
Mark and Bren let out a loud whoop and surged forward to land punches on his shoulder. “Was hoping you and me wouldn’t have to drag our asses home yet,” Bren laughed, grabbing his wrist. “C’mon I think they’re gunna start a game of cards or some shit.”  
“As long as it’s not spin the bottle,” Josh huffed.  
“That bad, huh?” Mark teased as they approached the crowd of dancing people. Josh scowled in response, swatting away Brendon’s hand. His face lightened as he saw Jenna making her way over to them, another beer in her hand. “You’re staying?!” she squealed. “Awesome!”  
Josh opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by Jenna speaking again. “Wanna do something craaaazy?”  
“It’s Friday night,” Bren answered with a sharp laugh. “Hell yeah.”  
Jenna let out an embarrassingly loud cry of happiness, taking another swig of beer. Josh smiled to himself. His head was buzzing, but he wasn’t that drunk. At least he didn’t think so. “C’mon,” Jenna giggled, motioning for them to follow her. The group walked until they got to a room full of people that were clearly waiting for Jenna’s return. “They’re coming too!” She announced.  
“Where are we coming?” he heard Mark whisper behind him. He was probably the most sober one in the room. No one paid any attention to the question as they all stood up, laughing and talking loudly. Josh stuck out his tongue as he recognized his other friend, Zach, in the crowd.  
They all shouldered their way through intoxicated dancing couples to the front door, a few grabbing jackets. As he followed suit, he bumped roughly back into Bren.  
“Watch where you’re going, Jersh,” he said sarcastically, shoving him back.  
“Watch yourself, Beebo.”  
Brendon’s face scrunched up in fake disgust.  
“Ew, don’t call me that!”  
Josh just chuckled as he pushed his way outside into the cold night air. The group was shuffling towards the woods right next to Jenna’s house. Whatever they were planning on doing, it was probably a bad idea. That made Josh excited.  
He wheezed in laughter as he saw Jenna fall face first into the dead leaves, swinging her arms and legs back and forth like she was making the most demented snow angel ever. Zach ran to stand over the blonde, laughing. “Hide and seek?” he questioned loudly. Josh was nearly trampled as everyone surged forward, shouting enthusiastically.  
“This is going to end badly,” Mark sighed as college students scattered in every direction, stumbling over tree roots. “Then why don’t you go with Zack and find our asses,” Josh teased, shoving him in the general direction before taking off running. He felt Mark’s disapproving gaze on his back, but he just giggled like a little kid.  
It was dark outside, but still he could see people badly hidden behind every sizable rock and tree trunk, trying to shush each other. He jogged deeper into the trees, trying to find a good spot. Wandering from bush to bush, he nudged them with his foot. Nothing good. He jumped suddenly as he heard a loud whistle over his head. His gaze snapped upward to see Brendon wedged between some tree branches. “What the fuck man,” he laughed, observing his friend, who was curled up in a ball to stay out of sight.  
He hoisted himself up to sit on the branch beside Bren, swinging his legs. “You’re taking this way too seriously.”  
Bren scrunched up his face again. “I don’t wanna get found.”  
Josh shook his head and stretched his arm up to pull himself to a higher branch, then another and another. He heard a faint cry below him of “Get down you asshole they’ll see you,” but chose to ignore it. He almost slipped a few times because of his less than perfect balance, but eventually reached the top of the oak, seating himself comfortably. As he looked out over the landscape, the trees were all shades of brown and red, in different stages of dropping their leaves. The sun had long ago disappeared for the night so it was difficult to make out many details. His eyes settled on an unnatural metal shape he could barely see through branches. He squinted his eyes, trying to concentrate.  
“Beebo,” he called softly, “Come look at this.”  
There was a muffled groan as his friend made his way up to join him. He pointed a finger at the shape. There was no response, and he looked over to see Brendon clinging tightly to the tree bark, looking downward was a horrified expression.  
“So high,” he squeaked.  
“The only high ones are the stoners back at the house,” Josh replied sarcastically.  
Brendon made no move.  
“Do you want me to call your girlfriend so she can come save you?” he asked sweetly.  
Bren finally lifted his gaze to glare at him. “Leave Sarah outta this.”  
“Look,” Josh snapped, pointing again.  
His friend looked out at the dark tree line, squinting. “What’s that?”  
“I don’t fucking know!” Josh replied, half yelling half giggling. “Wanna go check it out?”  
A stupid grin crossed Bren’s face, but then he turned pale again as he looked down. “Let’s get outta this damn tree.”  
A few moments later, Josh was panting as he jogged beside Brendon. He could hear faint voices behind them, getting closer.  
“Seekers gunna find us, slow ass,” Bren hissed through his teeth, increasing his speed.  
“Quit calling me ass, you’re an ass,” he hissed back, slapping his hands against his friend’s shoulder.  
“Shut up.”  
“You shut up.”  
“Y-”  
Josh took off running as he made out the metal shape through the shadowy trees. His foot caught on a small rock and he stumbled forward, barely able to keep from falling. By the time he skidded to a stop in the dead leaves, the buzz in his brain had turned to more of a throb. Disappointment settled over him as he stared at it in the dark.  
It was a small steel building, with a perfectly flat roof and walls. The only window was tiny and high above the door, and even with the sun down Josh could tell it was clouded enough it wouldn’t do much good to try and look through it. He walked up to the door handle, tugging on it. It rattled up and down, moving.  
He had no idea what purpose the building served. It seemed unremarkable, yet… creepy.  
“Think that’s where they put the bad kids?”  
Josh flinched as Brendon’s voice came from behind him.  
“N- no, tha-”  
“Did I scare you, Joshie?! Oooh it’s a tiny metal shack, watch out for serial killers.”  
Josh felt his cheeks heat up, but still he turned around with a smirk. “Says the man who’s scared to climb trees.”  
“Trees ‘ll kill you,” Brendon argued, stifling an alcohol induced burp.  
Josh straightened as he made out shapes over Bren’s shoulder, accompanied by excited shouts. The seekers had found them. “Fuck,” he hissed, beginning to yank on the door handle. He heard the crunch of footsteps as the group began to run over and pulled harder. There was a sudden metal screech as the door flew open, thwacking into Bren’s huge forehead. “Oh shit,” he whispered softly as his friend let out a high pitched scream, falling backwards into the leaves.  
“I fucking told you this was a bad idea you bastard!!” Mark yelled, finishing his run over and crouching down to examine Bren.  
The man was curled in fetal position, his normally stylish dark brown hair filled with leaf litter. A yellow bruise was already forming on his extra big forehead and over one eye, making it swell. It probably hurt like hell.  
“It’s not my damn fault!” Josh replied, blazing with anger as he snarled at Mark.  
“Would you two just shut up?” someone shouted, pushing both of them apart as they knelt down to Bren. As everyone watched, the man rolled over, clutching his face and breathing heavily. It was almost unfair, Josh noted, how he still managed to be the most attractive one there with a face that was now well on its way to purplish black.  
Josh briefly glanced over his shoulder at the swinging metal door into the pitch black building. Some girl followed his gaze, squeaking “What’s in there?”  
“Party’s over,” Mark snapped, leaning over to try and help Bren up. There was a collection of groans. However, Jenna emphasized Mark’s point by turning to puke up all her beer in a nearby bush. As they stumbled back toward the house, Josh couldn’t help but squint at the sleek metal one more time, wondering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you are only here for the smut, which can be found in Chapter 15. However, I think you'll get a lot more out of this one if you stick with me and read the whole thing. I've put a lot into this book. Just sayin'.


	2. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some weird shit happens.

3:07 AM  
  
Breaths of air swirled through the room, disturbing the dust in the air. The water, for the first time in recent memory, was no longer dripping from the ceiling. The light from the stars and moon illuminated the shards of glass. It could not last. The gentle flow of air was cut off as the door abruptly slammed shut with the scrape of metal on metal. The stale air and suffocating darkness settled back into place, and drops of water began to patter from nowhere in particular to collect in salty pools and streams on the floor again. Almost as if they were tears.  
~ ~ ~  
“I hate you. I actually hate you.”  
“You know you love me.”  
“I wish I could sell you to Satan.”  
Josh casually sipped his coffee, the throb in his head annoying but bearable. Bren, on the other hand, was sprawled on the couch, clutching his hair.  
“Is it the hangover or the concussion?”  
Brendon hissed in response.  
“Fine, I’ll go get breakfast. You’d like that?”  
“Chipotle.”  
Josh rolled his eyes as he stood up, setting the coffee mug down. Sometimes it sucked to have a roommate. Especially one who complained this much. He was about to close the door to the apartment behind him when a thought popped into his head. “Hey Bren, don’t you have a date tonight? With Sarah?”  
There was a quiet “Shit.”  
Josh grinned, moving to close the door. He sped down the hallway, avoiding contact with any more of his friends who might be wandering around at this hour, tired, grumpy, and possibly hungover. It was the closest apartment to campus, so there were quite a few of them living in the same building. It made things interesting. He reached his car without incident, sliding into the driver’s seat with bright eyes. It was a peppy red Mustang, a parting gift from him parents. Probably the best thing he owned at this point.  
The trip to Chipotle was short and uneventful. Two burritos. He was munching on one as he passed back by the wooded area he’d been running around last night. An image of that metal building flashed through his head, sparking his interest. He really, really wanted to know what was inside. His day looked like it was going to be boring anyway. Homework, dealing with Bren, Netflix. He pulled into a neighborhood, parking next to a curb. It wouldn’t take long.  
He wandered through the trees in no direction in particular. It was actually pretty, the way all the leaves were red and orange, crunching under his feet. There was even a little bit of frost on them, curling around the edges. He kicked the ground, watching the leaves flutter through the air. After a few minutes he decided he really did want to find that building, so he set out at a more purposeful pace.  
Eventually, he caught sight of it through tree trunks. The door was tightly closed, just like the first time he’d seen it. Someone must have come by and closed it, he decided. Maybe it was company owned or something. He probably shouldn’t be messing around with it. But by now he was too curious to go back. He twisted the door handle and tugged firmly. Locked. Again. He pulled harder, gritting his teeth. Just like the first time, the door flew open with a shrill noise, but without Brendon’s head in the way.  
Daylight illuminated about the first half of the room, but it was still dark. Dark enough to give Josh an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Still, he stepped inside, looking down at the sound of slushing water. It was everywhere, which confused him greatly because the roof was flat, solid metal. It was running through dust in well-defined streams to drain away in cracks in the edges of the floor. On pure instinct, he dipped a finger down into it and lifted it up to his tongue to taste it. Salty. He looked up at the ceiling, squinting. No holes, nothing. How the hell was there so much water? His heart rate increased as he spotted a single hook, screwed into the very center of the ceiling. The rest of the room was empty and cold. Now that he’d noticed the hook, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. He tried to stop the images that flashed through his head of what it might be used for. He didn’t want to know. In fact, he didn’t really feel too curious about anything anymore. He was just getting more and more confused, and unsettled. The hair on his arms stood up when a drip of water fell from the ceiling to the floor with a metallic sound. He was turning to leave as calmly as he could when he made out something small lying in the corner. He hesitantly turned back around, body stiff. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to turn on the flashlight, visibly wincing as it shined into the dark. There was just a little glass pen, broken fragments of it all across the ground. He crouched down to pick up the main piece of it when he sensed his square of light from the doorway growing smaller. He let out a high pitched noise as he scrambled to his feet, practically throwing himself out the door as he saw it gliding shut.  
He didn’t stop running until he had put a few good feet between him and the too dark room. There was something wrong about it, a bad feeling in the air. He wasn’t coming back. He shuddered thinking about what would have happened if the door had clicked shut behind him. He took one last look at the swinging door before starting back through the bright trees to his car. He was going to have a fucking burrito and a coffee.  
The whole drive home his heart was beating a little bit faster than normal, and he didn’t quite understand why. Nothing particularly scary had really happened. Josh was a sucker for horror movies and haunted houses and had once carried a crying Mark out of a really bad one. He should be fine. But it was something about the way it felt. Brendon was going to laugh his ass off.  
“I’m back with your shitty burrito,” Josh announced, opening the door to the apartment. Brendon halfheartedly raised a hand and Josh tossed it to him.  
“Somebody’s in a bad mood,” Bren mumbled, looking up to see Josh with his one good eye. “Rear end someone?”  
Josh huffed, rolling onto his bed. He grabbed the coffee, nearly choking as he realized how cold it was. “It’s cold!”  
“You left it here dumbass!” Brendon immediately responded. “Now will you be nice to me for five minutes because I’m not feeling so hot.”  
Josh was stabbed by guilt. He kind of was being a dick, considering he’d clocked his friend in the face less than a day ago. He’d grown so used to the man’s sass he sometimes forgot he possessed feelings just like everyone else. “Yeah, sorry. Do you want some pain meds?”  
~ ~ ~  
“So let me get this straight,” Brendon said, leaning forward to rest his elbow on the little table in front of the couch. “There was nothing in there except this?” He held up the intact half of the pen, its green glass shining in the light coming through the window.  
“Yeah,” Josh replied. “And a ton of water.”  
Zach nodded slowly, looking carefully at the pen. He’d stopped by to help them with math, which was when Josh had decided to tell his little story. Anything but actually do the math.  
“Where would water come from? Especially salty water?” Brendon whined, flailing his arms in an exasperated way. “It’s made of solid metal for fuck’s sake!”  
“I don’t know!” Josh snapped, “But I’m not making it up. Maybe, maybe it was coming up through the edge of the floor or something.” He knew that wasn’t true, the water had been draining through the cracks, not coming from them. But it was the best theory he could think of. Maybe he’d just seen wrong.  
“Sure,” Brendon said, twirling the pen between his fingers.  
“What could it be used for if there was nothing in there?” Zach piped up.  
“Um… I don’t know maybe it used to be used and it’s just abandoned now,” Josh sighed. “Anyway, it was kinda boring, so mystery solved.” Another lie.  
“Good work Scooby,” Brendon said sarcastically, reaching for a handful of chips. “Who wants to head to the union building with me tomorrow so we can actually get shit done?”  
“Aye,” Zach replied, briefly raising his hand. “I’ll try to get Mark in on it too. Maybe even Jay.”  
“Mark’s still probably pissed at me. But I’ll go too, as long as you guys aren’t too annoying,” he teased. “I get tested in chem Monday.”  
“Sucker,” Brendon said, grinning. He looked down at his phone, eyes widening. “Aw shit I gotta go clean up to meet Sarah.” He stood up, rushing away to the small bathroom.  
“Not sure how well you can clean up with one eye swelled shut buddy,” Josh called.  
“It’s your fault!”  
Josh turned to Zach. “Wanna watch some Walking Dead?”  
Zach nodded, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Go for it.”  
~ ~ ~  
Josh leaned on his elbow, scrolling through Twitter. It was late, late enough that Brendon was passed out in the bed across from him, drooling on the pillow. It was probably the meds he’d taken to deal with his face pain, but it was still funny. Apparently, the date had gone well considering Bren had needed to explain he’d gotten drunk and hit his face on a door.  
Josh shut his screen off and plugged the phone in, laying his face on the pillow. Zack had stuck around for a few episodes then headed back to his room for the night. It was unusually quiet for an apartment full of college students.  
His eyes slid shut, exhaustion creeping over his body. He tugged the blanket over him, quietly sighing. His thoughts were beginning to dissolve into sleep when suddenly he felt a tickle against his ear. His hand flew up to smack it and his eyes shot open. There was nothing there.  
He took a deep breath, trying to calm back down. His mind was playing tricks on him. It’s what he got for creeping around abandoned buildings in his free time. A few more breaths and he was able to lay back down, closing his eyes.  
There it was again, just a slight tickle, and this time Josh could hear, very very softly, the sound of breathing right next to his face. A chill shot down his spine and he bolted upright, heart pounding in his chest. Nothing there, no one except a drooling roommate. He swatted a hand in front of him spastically, hitting nothing but thin air.  
He felt frozen sitting upright in the tiny bed, eyes darting everywhere in the room and finding absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. He held his breath. Every hair on his body stood up as he heard, ever so quietly, the sound of another inhalation and exhalation besides Brendon’s snores, right in front of him.  
“Brendon,” he whimpered, his heart pounding thickly in his throat. “Brendon Brendon Brendon Brendon Brendon Brendon.” His friend didn’t reply, still wrapped in a drug induced sleep.  
He stifled a scream as the quiet sound of breathing drew closer to his face, all the way until he could feel a warm breath tickle his cheek. He slapped at the air, tripping over a rug as he crashed into Brendon’s bed, shaking him furiously. “Fuck Brendon fuck wake up right now!”  
His friend groaned and opened his good eye, blinking rapidly as he saw Josh’s expression. “’s what?”  
“T-there’s something here,” Josh stuttered, turning his head to fix his gaze over his shoulder before giving up and turning around entirely to press his back against Bren’s bed.  
Brendon propped himself up on an elbow, surveying the room. “Jersh ‘s an awful time for prank jus’ let me sleep you bastard ’m tired.”  
Josh reached a hand up to clamp the man’s mouth shut, holding his breath at the same time. There was no sound, nothing at all. “Fuck you!!” he shouted, grabbing one of Brendon’s pillows to throw into thin air. “Fucking disappear as soon as I wake someone else up, son of a bitch!” He stormed out of the room, leaving a very confused and sleepy Brendon.  
He was going for a walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at you! You made it to chapter two. I'm practically a bestselling author.


	3. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh isn't a big fan of weird shit.

Josh was wrapped in a soft tangle of dreams, and that’s where he wanted to stay. It was so comfortable. In the very back of his mind, he felt the ghost of a tickle against his ear. It wasn’t anything worth waking up for. But then he felt it again, softly. Suddenly, adrenaline shot through his body as his brain remembered the events of last night.  
He shot upright with a very unmanly scream, slapping his hand against his face. The next thing he saw was whipped cream dripping down his front and Brendon, clutching his sides from laughter. “Bastard!” Josh shouted, his voice coming out rough with sleep. He sprang out of the sheets and onto Brendon, slamming his friend against the ground. “You think this is funny?!”  
Bren couldn’t answer because he was howling with laughter, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes. A glob of cream dripped from Josh’s curls to run down his face, and he couldn’t stop himself from licking it off. He let go of his friend to get to his feet. As he pulled his shirt off to wipe his hair off with it, he noticed his hands were shaking. He remembered more and more of what had happened before he’d fallen asleep, fear building up in his chest.  
Bren finally was able to reduce his laughter to wheezing as he looked up at Josh from the floor. “I… got you… so good.”  
“Do you even remember what happened last night?” Josh hissed through his teeth as he pulled his shirt back over his head. It now had a huge wet spot in the middle. Great.  
Brendon squinted for a moment in thought. His face was tomato red from laughter, which contrasted unflatteringly with the green-blue bruise spread across his face. “Yeahhh, actually. Didn’t you wake me up then you got all pissed and left? What was that about?”  
The story began to form on Josh’s tongue but he quickly realized it would sound insane. And worse yet, weak. “Nothing, I’m just not feeling great Bren. I’m gunna go shower real quick.” He walked away quickly, shutting himself in their ridiculously tiny bathroom.  
He stopped to take a good long look in the mirror. His bleached curls were completely filled with whipped cream. It was also running down the shaved sides of his head. The hair was actually getting a little long, he needed to trim it back to the shaggy Mohawk he loved so much. Maybe dye it, since he’d decided to keep it bleach blond for a while now. He loved coloring his hair. He rubbed his face clean, blinking quickly. His own face stared back at him. Long thin eyebrows framing squinty hazel eyes. Silver nose ring. Small black gauges on his ears. Cheeks that were a little puffy, enough that he hated them. Five o’clock shadow. He needed to shave. He looked like some kind of real-life punk edit, just like he always did.  
He huffed a deep breath, turning away to strip off his clothes as he turned on the hot water. Everything was fine, everything was normal. He was thinking too hard. Still, he found himself opening his eyes quickly so he could to look around him, incidentally burning his eyes with shampoo.  
Ten minutes later he stumbled back into the room in a pair of black skinny jeans, sporting bright red eyes. “4:20, blaze it,” Brendon giggled as he looked over his shoulder.  
“You’re the only one in this room who’s smoked a blunt,” Josh mumbled, getting dressed the rest of the way. He fixed a backward snapback on his head, the final touch. “Now hurry up and shower. I’ll text the guys.”  
As Bren stumbled toward the bathroom, Josh walked over to his miniature dresser, pulling open a drawer. There it was, on top of all his calculus. The intact half of the pen. He picked it up, running his fingers all across it. It had a little gold tip, which contrasted nicely with the green glass. Quite honestly, it was pretty. He would feel bad getting rid of it. But at the same time, it had come from that creepy room, and Josh wanted nothing to do with that anymore. Especially not with the… breathing noises. He shuddered. He would keep it, he decided, unless anything else weird happened. He tucked it in his back pocket.  
~ ~ ~  
Josh was about four cups of coffee into his homework when something weird happened. He had taken a break from his endlessly talkative friends to tuck himself away in a corner of the library so he could read a textbook without Mark giving him shit about Friday night, or Jay explaining sci-fi movies, or even Brendon laughing with his arm around Sarah. Maybe he really did want to graduate one day.  
He took another sip, humming as the warm liquid flowed down his throat. Then he went back to tracing his finger along a paragraph as he attempted to soak the information in.  
“Josh.”  
It was a quiet whisper, quiet enough he was sure no one else could hear. He turned his head, fully expecting to see one of the guys’ faces. Except nothing was there.  
He inhaled sharply, eyes widening. The chair spun a full 180 as he turned to face away from the desk towards where the voice had come from. No, no, no. He was going insane. He could hear it now, the gentle breathing a few inches away from him. His muscles were itching to punch something, to run, scream. But there were people literally everywhere around him, all studying silently. Unless he wanted to look like a freak, he had to stay calm.  
“Josh.”  
He shuddered, eyes watering from adrenaline and fear. “Wh- at?” His voice cracked in just the one world.  
In a breathy whisper, “It’s okay.” Nothing was there.  
Josh shook his head slowly back and forth, the blood draining from his face. “N-nop-e. Not ok-ay.” He shut his textbook with a loud slam, making other students lift their heads in annoyance. Without moving his eyes from where the voice was coming from, he clumsily scraped together his things, hurrying from the building as fast as his legs could carry him.  
~ ~ ~  
“You’re acting weird as fuck,” Brendon said decisively, cramming crispy chicken in his mouth.  
“I’m feeling weird as fuck,” Josh said, running a hand through his bleached curls. “Hey, um, why don’t we go to the studio real quick? I’ve been missing my drums this weekend.”  
“It’s ten at night!” Bren exclaimed, quickly swallowing. “We have school tomorrow Joshie I don’t know if you forgot.”  
“Haven’t hit the gym in a few days. Or, screw that, let’s go for donuts.”  
“Tempting. But what’s up with you, seriously?”  
“Nothing.” Josh winced at how high pitched his voice came out.  
“Yeah, right.” Bren went back to inhaling chicken. “I live wit’ ou’,” he mumbled with a full mouth. “Ou’ ha’ to tell meh.”  
Josh reached into his back pocket to pull put the pen, setting it back on the little table casually as he pulled off his jeans. “Why don’t you just not take meds tonight in case I freak out again?”  
“…Okay?” Brendon lifted his eyes for the first time to look Josh in the face, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “Why would you freak?”  
“No reason,” Josh replied quickly, falling back onto his bed. “I’m just gunna study for chem.”  
Bren shrugged, devouring the rest of his meal.  
About an hour later, they were both curled under the covers. Josh was listening, very carefully. Bren’s breaths were slowing as he was falling asleep, while his own were uneven and fast. He didn’t know why; he wasn’t afraid. At least that’s what he told himself.  
A half an hour dragged by, the longest of Josh’s life. His eyelids were starting to get heavy.  
“Jossssshhhhhhhh.”  
It was so quiet and so breathy, right against his face. His eyes snapped open and he let out a shriek. His fist flew through the air before he could stop himself, right into the wall next to his bed.  
Brendon fell out his bed across the room with a squeak of his own. Angry noises came from the apartment next to them, followed by stomps. “The frick is going on?!” a voice called, banging against the door. Josh was still frozen but Bren darted to the door, unlocking it and flipping the light on, a bedsheet still tangled around his legs.  
It was a kid, Gerard, Josh thought, with glasses sideways on his face. Kind of a nerd. He didn’t look happy. He and Brendon were staring with gaping mouths at the sizable dent Josh had just put in the wall. His face grew hot as he withdrew his fist, shaking it out and wincing at the bruise blooming across his knuckles.  
“Josh, what the hell!?” Brendon whisper-shouted, anger taking over his features. “We have to pay for that!”  
“Well I’m sorry!” Josh hissed back. “But there’s weird shit going on! Like, real weird shit and I’m trying to deal with it!”  
“Like what?!” Bren whispered angrily, gesturing wildly to the room. “Looks pretty damn normal to me!”  
“Would everybody just shut up!!?” Josh replied, raising his voice a level.  
The silence was instant.  
“Would you guys hold your breath one fucking second and listen?”  
Gerard and Bren exchanged a look, but inhaled, stopping the sound of their own breathing. Josh did the same. The room fell into complete silence, except for the very, very quiet noise of shaky breathing, coming from the area of the table. Josh watched as Brendon’s eyes widened until they looked like they would pop out of his head. Gerard looked much the same, except he grew even more pale than he already was, if that was possible.  
They remained that was for about the count of fifteen, waiting for something else to happen. You know, blood to start dripping down the walls, one of them to drop to the ground in convulsions, foaming at the mouth. Except nothing actually happened, except three college kids staring at a quiet breathing noise looking like they wanted to cry.  
“Hi,” the voice whispered, sounding a little bit shaky.  
Josh winced as the silence broke, throwing his arms up to shield his face. Gerard fell backwards into the wall, making a choked noise. Brendon just stood there, breathing unusually fast. “Hi,” Bren gasped. His voice came out weird and high-pitched.  
“Josh.”  
There it was again, his name.  
Fury suddenly boiled in Josh’s veins. “What do you want from me?” he half yelled, voice shrill. “Why me huh?! Following me around like some perverted little shit breathing down my neck to freak me out? What do you want? I’m sorry I went into that little hell shack and took a pen. Do you want it back? Huh? Just stop looking at me while I sleep! Just go the fuck away!!” With the words he stepped forward, grabbing the broken little pen in his hand and throwing it down against the carpet.  
As silence fell back over the room, the disembodied voice dissolved into sobs, heavy shaking sobs. To Josh’s disbelief, drops of water collected on the ceiling of the apartment room, sprinkling down on him. And the couch. And his chemistry textbook. And the too small dressers. And on Bren and Gerard, who swayed back and forth like they were about to pass out.  
It increased to a downpour, soaking his clothes in salty water. Josh nearly laughed madly. They were tears. The water he’d seen, all tears falling from the ceiling. He was going to wake up any minute now.  
“S-sorry,” the voice sobbed. “I-I’m going.”  
And just like that, it was gone, leaving Josh soaking as the water stopped falling abruptly.  
He reached down and pinched his own arm, leaving a red welt.  
All three of them stared at each other blankly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might be thinking Josh is a pussy, but just ask yourself what you would do if something kept breathing on you when you were trying to sleep. Just a thought.


	4. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is Joshua William Dun? And more importantly, who da fuck is Tyler?

It felt inappropriate, almost. The fact that Josh had to roll out of bed and go take a chemistry exam at 6 am, after everything that had happened.  
He tugged on a red flannel that didn’t smell too bad, trying to tie his Converse at the same time. Brendon’s arm was drooping over the side of his bed and he had to avoid bumping into it. The trio had been awake until early morning, and Josh figured Bren deserved some sleep. Not that they’d really gotten anything done. Just kind of huddled together and asked each other if they believed in ghosts. The other two still thought it could be some kind of prank, but Josh’s other experiences had convinced him it couldn’t be. Eventually, they realized the voice wasn’t going to come back (and gotten too tired to be afraid), so Gerard wandered back to his room and they all passed out. It had been a bonding experience for sure. Like a demented sleepover.  
Josh still didn’t have the slightest idea what was actually going on.  
Or how to deal with it.  
So, he felt pretty good when he flowed alongside other students of the chem building, an hour later. He’d almost, kind of known what he was doing when calculating concentrations of solutions. And that was a point of pride, considering his mental state at the moment.  
As a reward, he decided, he was going to get himself a wrap. He hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. One of the good parts of college- lots of places for food. And coffee.  
The line was short enough he wasn’t worried about being late to his next class. He tapped his foot quickly as he sat at an outside table, waiting for them to call his order number from the little stand. One earbud was in, blasting Arctic Monkeys.  
“Hey Josh!” an enthusiastic and feminine voice called from nearby.  
Josh briefly squeezed his eyes shut before turning his head. It was always awkward when it was just him and Brendon’s girlfriend.  
“Hey Sarah.”  
She came around to stand in front of him with a bright smile. “I heard you and Bren have had an interesting weekend.”  
Josh's stomach jumped. Bren hadn’t said anything, had he? He laughed nervously. “You could say that, I guess.”  
“Well, I hope he feels good enough to go bowling today! Why don’t you come too, Josh? You, know, bring a girl.”  
The guy at the stand called out his number and Josh practically jumped to his feet. “Um, I’m not… sure… you know, I’ll get back to you!”  
He grabbed the wrap, gratefully taking a bite as he darted toward the music department without looking back. He tucked the other earbud in, sighing in relief. The building loomed in front of him as he made his way down the path. It was gigantic, all white marble and extravagant spires and intricate designs. It was the oldest on campus. It was also practically his home during the week, along with all the other music majors. Finally, something normal.  
He sprinted down the huge hallway, weaving around other students to land a slap on Zach’s back. “Ayyy,” Zach greeted, turning around with a grin.  
“What’s good?” Josh replied enthusiastically, before stepping into the huge music room. The high ceiling echoed with the noise of people warming up on instruments.  
He high-fived Jay, then Mark, who rolled his eyes but still smirked, and finally spotted the one and only Brendon Urie.  
“Your girlfriend says she wants to go bowling tonight,” Josh teased, slapping the back of his friend’s head affectionately. “And she wants me to bring a girl.”  
Bren swiped the wrap from Josh’s hand, taking a bite. “So why don’t you, huh Jersh? Get out there, find someone?”  
Josh scowled. “We are not having this conversation again.”  
Brendon raised an eyebrow. “Yes we are. C’mon, what is it with you and chicks? I mean, even when you get drunk, I’ve never seen you try to get it on with a girl. And they like you! You know, the bad boy.”  
“Shut your face,” Josh retorted.  
“Don’t be a pussy. Your drums wouldn’t mind if you saw someone else.”  
“How about we deal with the fact that our apartment is haunted before you try for the thousandth time to set me up?”  
Bren’s expression grew serious at the words. He looked around, making sure the professor hadn’t arrived yet and no one was listening. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that too.”  
“So what?”  
“So obviously we can’t tell anyone, right? It’s insane. But since you’re the one who picked up that pen in the first place, you should put it back, and maybe things will go back to normal.”  
Josh shook his head furiously. “There’s no way in hell I’m going back there.”  
“You got a better idea?”  
He opened his mouth to reply but their professor walked in, yelling for silence. Josh grabbed his wrap back out of Brendon’s hand and walked to one of the drum sets in the back, stretching out his arms in anticipation. Bren made his way to the synthesizer. Zach pulled the electric guitar off its stand.  
He sat down at the kit, bouncing up and down in excitement.  
As they began to rehearse, Josh got lost in the rhythm, just like he always did. Like the sticks were just extensions of his arms and he was a machine pumping out the beat. In fact, he was so enthralled by the boom of the base drum and crash of the cymbals and the patter of the snare that every time their instructor cut them off he let out a quiet groan of disappointment.  
It felt extra nice this time, he decided, to forget about it all and just play. And play. And play. Until suddenly it was time for his music theory class, and he noticed how badly his hand was hurting from punching it against a wall. Oh well.  
~ ~ ~  
It was all Sarah’s fault, Josh decided as he pulled up along the curb next to the woods. Bren had given him the option of either finding a date to take bowling or going back to the abandoned building to return the apparently ghost infested writing instrument. He figured most people would have asked a random girl, but Josh was not most people. He wasn’t into this whole girl thing the same way everyone else, try as Brendon might to find him someone. It just… wasn’t appealing. Maybe one too many had tried to kiss him in preschool or something. He figured he’d just occasionally jack off and grow up to own a bunch of fluffy, adorable kittens.  
But now he was also kind of fucked. He didn’t want to go back.  
He sighed gently, leaning his head against the Mustang’s steering wheel. He twirled the broken pen through his fingers, watching the way the light glinted off of it. He stiffened as the sound of breathing faded into existence in the passenger seat. His ears were fine tuned to hear it by now. He didn’t look up, just stopped twirling the pen to clench it in his fist.  
“I’m sorry,” it breathed quietly.  
Josh said nothing.  
“I’m not trying… to be scary. Or… perverted.”  
Josh could hear the heard the being’s breath hitch in remorse at the words. “What are you then, Casper the friendly ghost?” he finally snapped.  
“ ‘M Tyler.”  
Josh looked up, finally, at the words. “Tyler?”  
“Yes…” It sounded so afraid.  
“Okay then, Tyler. I’m going to put you back where you came from because I’m trying to graduate and I don’t need my life to be one big episode of Ghost Hunters.”  
With that he swung open the driver’s side door and stepped out, beginning to head through trees. He locked the car behind him.  
“Don’t, please, please! Don’t do it! I don’t want to go back!”  
The voice was right in his ear, louder that he’d ever heard it. Josh flinched away, slapping at the air. “Would you just fucking go away?!”  
The breathing withdrew, beginning to sniffle. A drip of water fell from a tree branch to land on Josh’s shoulder, then another.  
“Don’t even start that,” Josh hissed. “I’ve had enough.” He marched forward, the leaves crunching under his feet for a few minutes.  
Then, almost too quietly to hear, “You’re mean, Josh.”  
He stopped, chest clenching.  
“You know how dark it is in there… and how cold,” the voice continued quietly. “And ‘s lonely, Josh. All… alone.”  
Josh took a deep breath, fixing his eyes on the ground. It was a trick he was sure. This thing was a floating voice that made water fall from the ceiling. It was probably going to kill him. Or worse yet, possess him. He had to put it back. He took a few more steps forward.  
“I’m sorry!” it pleaded, voice cracking. “I didn’t mean it I didn’t mean any of it I just ‘ve not seen anyone for years and years, and you laugh and eat food and talk ‘n things! And… you’re pretty to look at, Josh. Especially when you’re asleep. …But you’re mean.”  
A knot was twisting itself together in Josh’s stomach as he listened. His eyes widened at the part about him being pretty. But now his anger had dissolved into guilt, and his feet wouldn’t move anymore.  
“What am I supposed to do then?”  
“Y-”  
“Not by my face,” he growled, flinching again as the breathy whisper spoke directly into his ear.  
“…sorry, Josh.” After a long pause, “You can jus’ pretend you put my pen back. But please, don’t really, ‘cus I can’t go back… there. I won’t bother you. I’ll be real quiet. ‘n I won’t cry. I’ll even disappear when you want me too and everything, just please Josh. Please.”  
Josh’s eyes narrowed. “You promise… Tyler?”  
“Yes.”  
“Fine.” Josh pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning against a tree. He had no idea what kind of deal he’d just made. “What even are you? Why should I trust you? Where did you even come from? You’re a fucking floating voice. This is crazy. I’m going crazy. What does this even have to do with anything, huh?” He held up the pen.  
Tyler didn’t respond.  
Josh growled, turning to head back toward his car.  
“Write with it.”  
“What?”  
“If you write with it, write your thoughts and your feelings, it pulls me back together. For a while.”  
“What the hell does that mean?”  
Josh waited patiently for a response, but there was none. No breathing either, just the sound of birds and creaking branches and the fall chill in the air.  
He sighed deeply, trudging back towards his waiting car. A million thoughts and questions were racing through his head all at the same time, but for some reason they were all tinged with the feeling that he’d done the right thing after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He never finished eating that wrap. What a waste.


	5. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to have a lit party and an existential crisis at the same time.

“You put it back, didn’t you?”  
Josh stopped walking with the gentle touch of a hand on his arm. Gerard. His neighbor had a hard gaze on him through skewed glasses. His tousled jet black hair contrasted starkly with his pale skin, making him look almost intimidating. But not quite.  
“What do you mean ‘didn’t I’? It’s our damn room that’s haunted, not yours.”  
Gerard grimaced, withdrawing his hand. “I kind of don’t want to be woken to the sound of you two screaming is all.”  
“I took care of it,” Josh snapped.  
“…has anyone ever told you you’re a jerk?”  
Josh’s eyes widened at the words but before he could respond, the minute bell was ringing and Gerard was darting away, toward the business building. Josh hurried in the opposite direction toward math, wincing a little.  
He didn’t know the guy that well, Josh just considered him a bit of a loner and a nerd, always reading comic books. The more he thought about it, the more he remembered himself impatiently snapping and cursing, not just to strangers, but even to the guys. He’d given his best friend a damn concussion. Had he even apologized? Well, he’d gotten a burrito.  
You’re mean, Josh. Tyler’s words echoed through his head.  
The bad feeling in his gut only grew as he tried to solve calculus problems, his foot tapping to an unknown rhythm beneath his desk.  
~ ~ ~  
“Do you think I’m a jerk, Bren?”  
Brendon looked up, pulling out an earbud. “What?”  
“Am I a dick?”  
Bren shrugged. “Sometimes. Why?”  
“I don’t know.” Josh leaned back into the couch, his expression somber.  
“Well I mean, I’m kind of a dick. Mark’s kind of a dick. Even Zach’s kind of a dick, on occasion. We’re all sort of dicks.”  
Josh narrowed his eyes. “You think we’re mean?”  
“I don’t mean like the yell-at-your-waiter-when-your-food-takes-too-long kind of dick. But, we’re not exactly sensitive, man. Emotional. Unless you want to start sitting in circles and talking about feelings like girls.”  
Josh’s face immediately flooded red, but he responded sarcastically, “Wow Bren, you’re so right! You are a huge dick!”  
Brendon winked, grinning wolfishly. “Huge.”  
Josh rolled his eyes, trying to conceal his amusement. “You know what I meant.”  
As he pressed his pencil back down against the paper, the door of the apartment burst open, making him jump. None other than Mark himself burst in, practically bouncing in excitement. “We’re having a study partyyyyy guys, c’mon!”  
“This is a bad idea,” Josh whined sarcastically, mocking Mark’s words from Friday night.  
“Shut up,” Mark responded, offering a hand to pull Josh to his feet.  
He knew exactly what was about to happen. ‘Study party’ was code for ‘cram into someone’s apartment to drink beer and watch horror movies’. It was a tradition of the group for roughly two years now. And it always ended up happening at the strangest of times, too. Like a Tuesday.  
Josh watched Brendon’s eyes brighten in excitement like a kid who’d just received candy as he pushed the textbook off his lap. He jumped up and began to skip down the hallway- a lanky, 21-year old, with no shirt (Bren despised shirts), baggy sweats, and styled hair that seemed to defy gravity as it bounced to the rhythm of the man’s skips.  
Altogether, he looked like a complete idiot. Josh had never felt fonder of his best friend.  
Mark groaned, then broke character and began to skip too, quickly followed by Josh himself. They made their way up a level, to the bigger rooms. The ones with TVs. If Josh had to guess, they were going to Jay’s.  
There was a dull roar of greeting as they stepped through the doorway, all dispersing to find places to sprawl. Josh swung himself to sit on top of one of the couches so he could stick his feet in Zach’s face. He sighed quietly in disappointment as he saw Bren plop right in front of the TV, snaking his arm around Sarah.  
“Gross, man,” Zach laughed, pushing Josh’s bare feet away. “Glad you could make it though.”  
“Me too,” Josh replied, moving to lay across the entire top of the couch on his stomach. He propped himself up on his elbows. “Calculus is a real bitch isn’t it?”  
“Too true,” a guy Josh didn’t know by name said, looking over at them. “Do you, um, have the answers to that worksheet? Do you have Mr. Brown?”  
There was always one. “Dude, we’re here to have fun, let’s worry about it after,” Josh sighed. Beers were distributed amongst the loudly chattering group. Josh cracked his gratefully, taking a swallow of the cold, strong liquid. Jay stood up, obviously excited to have all the attention for once. It was, obviously, his apartment. He was a bit of a geek for Star Wars, Josh had to admit, but he enjoyed a good time as much as any of them. Voices hushed to whispers as people looked over.  
“So,” Jay started, “I’ve had a couple requests for some gore at this study party, so I was thinking either Saw or Hostel.” Excitement bubbled in Josh’s chest. He lived for the adrenaline rush. He was quite sure some of the girls that had come would be gone in the first five minutes.  
People began to shout their votes, and Josh raised his own beer, yelling “Hostel!” Jay listened for a moment, then leaned down to whisper something to Bren. He raised an arm and the shouts died back down. “We’re doing Hostel. The first one.”  
Josh let out a whoop of excitement, snuggling up against the couch in anticipation.  
“You’re such a sicko,” Zach teased, sipping his can.  
Josh smirked. “You’re not wrong.”  
As the movie started, everyone finally shut up to watch. Josh’s eyes fixed on the screen as he chugged his beer, absorbed in the film. As one of the characters was introduced (named Josh), everyone glanced over at him, smirking.  
“You’re not going to have a good day,” Zach whispered, chuckling darkly.  
“Nope,” Josh replied, crushing the empty can in his hand.  
Nearly half an hour passed, then they began to get to the freaky stuff. Josh flinched suddenly as he felt a breath tickle the back of his neck. In a whisper, the voice breathed, “I don’t want to watch this, Josh. It’s… scary.” The pen, the damn pen was in his back pocket. Of course it was.  
Zach glanced back at him. “Did you say something, man?”  
Josh shook his head, fixing his eyes back up on the screen. The gentle breaths near his face continued. He did his best to ignore them. As the movie progressed, the voice’s (Tyler’s?) breathing became more erratic, filled with horror and fear. Josh could hardly keep from laughing. The ghost, the fucking ghost, was afraid of a horror movie. It was ironic beyond belief. His amusement vanished when another barely audible whisper spoke in his ear. “Why… why do you like this? Watching this… watching people get hurt. ‘N bleed. …have you ever seen someone really bleed like that, Josh?” Girls were screaming as someone got holes drilled into them, blood splattering everywhere with a horrible gurgling noise. Josh grimaced, his skin crawling a little more than it usually did. He didn’t dare reply to Tyler with Zach sitting so close.  
As things got worse on the screen, couples snuggled together for protection, and some girls left altogether, obviously distraught. Every time someone got sliced there was a chorus of “Oooooh!” and a few screams. Josh was rather enjoying the familiar feeling of his heart pounding in his chest as he downed a few more beers. The erratic breathing in his ear was drowned out by all the noise.  
As the credits began to roll a few hours later, a cheer rose from everyone still in the room. Josh rolled off the couch, spotting a deck of cards and some poker chips in Jay’s hand as his friend made his way to the front of the room again. Josh stepped around everyone on the floor, trying to discreetly make his way out before anyone could stop him. He heard Zach start to say something, but slipped out the door.  
He walked around the corner, then stopped to lean against the wall. He could still hear the voices of his friends down the hall, but they were muffled. He slid to the ground with his back against the wall, closing his eyes. The hallway lights glowed softly against his eyelids. “Tyler,” he called softly. No sound. “I just wanna talk.” Nothing but muffled exclamations down the hall. Josh sighed, limbs weighed down by alcohol and tiredness. “Fine” He struggled to pull himself back upright, walking further down the apartment halls.  
He should be back in Jay’s room, playing poker with the guys. Hanging out. Like always. But he didn’t feel like always, he was thinking. Was he really that bad of a person? He was a 20-year old college kid. Wasn’t he allowed to get drunk and have fun, culturally if not legally? He got most of his homework done, he had decent grades, it’s not like he didn’t care. But still, he felt like an asshole. An asshole that annoyed everybody and liked watching blood, guts, and shit blowing up way too much. But he was a guy. He was supposed to like stuff like that, wasn’t he? Like Bren had said, they were all kind of dicks. Maybe that was okay. Maybe he was overthinking. He rubbed a hand against his eye, trying to clear his mind. Memories flashed through his head, of Gerard’s disgusted glare and the sound of Tyler crying after he’d yelled at him. But that was different, maybe. He was a ghost, Josh didn’t know he could get his feelings hurt. Except, ghosts weren’t real, it didn’t make logical sense. He didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what was really going on. In fact, he was wondering what was going on in his actual life. How was a talent for the drums and a musical degree land him a real, well-paying job? He’d been working summer jobs at Starbucks for the last few years to supplement the money from his parents. Maybe he’d have to become a music teacher, with shitty little kids. He grimaced. He didn’t want kids, and the way things were going he’d never marry either.  
His gut was twisting again as thoughts continued to run through his head. He looked up to see his apartment door, so he stepped inside, locking the door behind him. He sat down to lean his back softly against his tiny dresser. Images of bloody corpses from the movie were still vibrant behind his eyes. He pulled the pen out of his pocket, turning it over and over in his hands to try and distract himself.  
After a few minutes, he stopped, simply gripping it in a fist. Maybe… maybe he should write. Tyler had said that would do something, hadn’t he? And right now he would take just about anything over the awful feeling of guilt and uncertainty in his stomach. He stood and leafed through the dresser, grabbing blank paper. Then he slid back down, beginning to scratch his thoughts in black ink that spilled from the half-shattered glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing cliffhangers. But I hate reading them, so sucks to be you.
> 
> Edit: Why didn't you guys point out all the typos in this chapter? I had to read back through it and now I'm ashamed.


	6. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all get to meet Tyler. Prepare yourselves. Maybe dress nicely.

He was surprised how easy it was. Not an essay, not a report, just the words running through his head scrawled in bad handwriting on a piece of paper. The pen had obviously not been used for a long time, it took a minute for the ink to start flowing. But once it did, once it did he was unstoppable. He’d filled nearly an entire page when he heard a particular sound, like a deep, stretching sigh. The sound someone might make after waking up from a long nap.  
He looked up. His whole body jolted backwards into the dresser, and a textbook fell to the floor next to him with a thump.  
There was something, someone, leaning against the wall across the room. They were watching him. Unblinking.  
They looked like nothing Josh had ever seen.  
Not like maybe he’d imagined a ghost might look like- see through, floating, disfigured maybe.  
No.  
This person, thing, whatever it was, looked like a regular college student that could walk across campus without anyone batting an eye. Except for one key detail. They had… no color. Skin, clothes, hair, it was all just different shades of black and white. Even in the relatively dark, plain apartment room, it was very obvious and very startling. It looked photoshopped. Josh blinked over and over again. Maybe he was just really, really drunk.  
A grin spread across the person’s face as Josh stared. They looked down at themselves, running their hands slowly up and down their own arms, then across their chest, then to their neck. Josh scrambled to his feet, his legs in a wide stance in case he needed to defend himself. The person seemed much more interested in their own body, flexing their limbs and feeling the muscles and tendons beneath their skin. It gave Josh a weird feeling in his stomach.  
“Tyler?” he questioned, the word coming out in a quick gasp.  
The black and white person paused, looking up to meet Josh’s eyes. “Josh.” It was the same whispery voice Josh had been hearing for days. Except, it was clearer, sounding more assured and human-like, and masculine, with the little bit of a mumble still in it.  
Josh looked slowly over the figure, stepping cautiously closer until they were face to face. They were a guy, first of all. He was just a little bit taller than Josh, with a skinny build. Although, it was kind of hard to tell because he was wearing an oversized hoodie. He looked about the same age as Josh too, but he had fluffy hair and soft features that made him look younger, and more innocent. The fullness of his lips. The perfect, soft curve of his nose. But his eyes, his eyes looked hollow and sad. They looked like they’d seen more than a person should see. Overall, there was nothing especially remarkable about him. Nothing really made him stand out, not the way Josh himself stood out from people. But he was undeniably… cute?  
Josh wasn’t sure what he’d expected the voice to look like, but it certainly wasn’t this.  
“Who are you?” Josh finally managed to stutter, his eyes still flicking up and down Tyler, trying to process the absence of color.  
Tyler’s eyes turned even sadder, if that was even possible. “You don’t want to know,” he said quietly, breaking eye contact to look down at the floor.  
“Yes I damn do!” Josh replied, his voice unusually loud in comparison. “I- I’ve never seen a ghost before. I didn’t even know they were real! They’re not real!”  
At this the corner of Tyler’s mouth twitched slightly, maybe in amusement. “ ‘M not a ghost, Josh. Just ‘n idea.”  
“An idea?” Josh repeated in confusion.  
Tyler nodded slowly, slipping his hands underneath his hoodie to feel his torso and back.  
Josh swallowed thickly, breaking eye contact and turning to the side so he wasn’t watching. It made him uncomfortable. “Wh- was that me writing? Is that why I can see you?” He saw Tyler nod out of the corner of his eye. Millions more questions ran through his head, but he just stood there. His eyes burned into his apartment wall in the attempt not to look at the other boy.  
Finally, Tyler looked up. “Sorry, ‘s just I haven’t had a body in a long time.”  
Josh’s eyes widened at the statement. “Why do you have one now?”  
Tyler let out a deep sigh, leaning back against the wall again. He clearly didn’t want to deal with all of Josh’s questions. “Because you really meant it, didn’t you? You really meant those things.”  
Josh finally snapped his head back towards the black and white figure. “What things?”  
Tyler’s eyes clouded over. A moment passed in silence. Then he whispered, “You hate the way you are, Josh. Not too much, but just enough. You don’t think you’re ever going to become anything, ‘n you don’t think love is for you either. Do you?”  
Josh’s face flushed immediately in shock. He was mortified. Every word that had left Tyler’s lips was exactly right and exactly true in a way that struck him deep down. “Shut the fuck up! You don’t know me. Just… shut up.”  
Tyler blinked, and a tear ran silently down his cheek at the same time few drops of water fell to the carpet next to Josh. “Sorry,” he breathed, voice hitching slightly. “Sorry.” He curled in on himself away from Josh.  
It was different this time, now that he could see Tyler. He’d made the boy cry multiple times already, when he was just a breath of air in Josh’s ear. But now that he could see the pain in Tyler’s expression, he was immediately stabbed by guilt. “No, i-it’s okay.” He reached out to touch Tyler’s shoulder, flinching when he found it to be ice cold. Tyler took another deep shaky breath, not responding. Josh didn’t move either, just resting his hand gently on Tyler’s shoulder. He had no way to deny that what Tyler had said was true, he’d wrote it himself. And he was sure that somehow Tyler knew exactly what he’d written. Instead, he gently whispered, “Just… don’t talk about that. Okay?” Tyler nodded again. “Why are you here?” Tyler finally looked up, his eyes still glistening. He pointed to the broken green pen laying near the dresser. “But why?” Tyler pulled away from Josh, wrapping his arms around himself and his hoodie and sitting down on one of the beds. Josh watched him carefully, waiting for a reply.  
Finally, the young man wiped his clean-shaven cheeks with his sleeve and looked up at Josh, his face twitching. “That pen, it used to be mine. I’d write with it too, Josh. Write things like you just wrote, except… worse…” Tyler’s eyes clouded up again slowly. “Now ’m not here anymore. But ‘m not gone, yet, either. Just… in between.”  
Josh listened intently, attempting to understand. “Why do you have a body now?”  
“Because…” Tyler started slowly, “Because you took the pen, and you wrote. You wrote about things you felt, important things, and that makes me a little more here and a little less gone, when you add to it. Add to the idea.”  
Josh blinked, only understanding about a quarter of what Tyler was saying. “Oh, okay.”  
More tears began to stream down Tyler’s face, for no specific reason as far as Josh could tell. It made water drip from the ceiling steadily, probably ruining the carpet. Everything about the other boy screamed ‘broken’. He didn’t act like any college student Josh had ever seen, even though he looked like one. He acted exactly like a small, lost child combined with an old man who had resigned himself to his death. “Tyler, how old are you?” Josh questioned gently.  
“Seventy-five,” came the soft reply.  
“What?” gasped out Josh incredulously. “Sev- how do you- why do you look like this? And were you in that fucking shed the whole time?”  
“Self-reflection,” Tyler breathed quietly, wiping his cheeks again. “I look like what I remember looking like.”  
“Like… the Matrix?” Josh replied, his eyebrows scrunching together.  
“What’s the Matrix?” Tyler questioned, looking up at Josh.  
Josh let out a sharp laugh. “Oh my god this is insane. You, you have no clue what’s going on really, do you?” He held up his smartphone, turning on the screen. “What’s this?”  
“It’s a phone,” Tyler whispered, glaring at Josh darkly. “I’ve been here for a week. I know how you dress, how you talk. ‘M not stupid.”  
The smile quickly vanished from Josh’s face, and he tucked it back in his pocket. He sat in silence with the other boy, watching his face intently. He wanted to ask if or how Tyler had died, what he remembered, why he couldn’t just fly up to heaven or some shit, but the boy seemed fragile. It reminded Josh of the green pen sitting over on the paper, all smashed and cracked but still strangely beautiful. Well, not beautiful. Tyler was a guy, an old guy at that. His features were just… oddly pleasing to look at. That was all. What Josh couldn’t get over was the absolute lack of any flesh color in his skin. It looked like he was made out of paper, kind of. Except, when Josh had put his hand on his shoulder he had felt the material of the hoodie like it was any other object. But cold as ice.  
“…You’re right,” Tyler whispered under his breath, breaking the silence. “I was in there. Forever. So many days I couldn’t count anymore, so many that I forgot what it was like outside. And it never, never stopped. It was cold. ‘N dark. I’ve already told you.” Tears began to run down his face again, making drops of water land on Josh’s shoulder in a steady rhythm. “It was so dusty too. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see. Couldn’t move. Every day. I just had to think about what I did, and regret it again and again and again,” Tyler broke off in a choked sob, and salty drops landed on Josh like he was standing in the rain. But he didn’t dare interrupt the other boy. When Tyler started speaking again, his voice came out high-pitched and wavering like someone in extreme distress. “I wanted to die, Josh. I wanted to die so bad. If I’d had a body I would have torn it to shreds, I would have scratched my own eyes out. I wanted to go -m- crazy too, start seeing lights. But that didn’t happen either. Just -m- nothing. ‘N then you opened that door and Josh it was s-so beautiful, so beautiful. You can-n scream at me and punch me and do whatever you want; ‘s better than what it would be like in there-e. Just don’t send me ba-” Tyler was cut off as Josh enveloped the other boy in a tight hug. He was so cold, so freezing cold, and he didn’t warm up, he just seemed to suck Josh’s body heat away every place they touched. But he didn’t care. Tyler shook violently, fingernails digging into Josh’s back like some sort of wounded animal. He sobbed heavily into Josh’s shoulder, tears and snot running all down his white face. Water was pouring from the ceiling like a faucet, soaking Josh’s clothes and homework and all the furniture. It was going to be a pain later on, but it all seemed like just a backdrop to the person in front of him.  
Josh was not a touchy-feely kind of person. Quite the opposite. He’d never really enjoyed physical contact with people except for fist bumps and maybe the occasional hug. As Brendon had so kindly pointed out a few hours ago, he wasn’t sensitive either. A kid drops their ice cream, well that sucks doesn’t it. Girl crying about a breakup, her boyfriend was probably a dick anyway. If someone died, that was pretty damn sad, but Josh wasn’t likely to be dwelling on it for too long. But Tyler’s description of the lonely pain he’d been going through for the last however many years stuck a chord in Josh that things rarely stuck, as did his angelic face all twisted in grief and streaked in tears. So, he rubbed a hand softly up and down Tyler’s back, catching on the folds of his hoodie. He closed his eyes, resting his nose in Tyler’s colorless hair. “I won’t put you back, Ty. You don’t have to go back. It’s okay.” The nickname slipped naturally from his mouth before he could stop it. Tyler continued to shiver and cry quietly, gasping in heavy breaths. Slowly, though, his heaving chest evened out to steadier breathing. His body curled further into Josh’s in a weirdly intimate way for two guys, and he reached his sleeve up to wipe his nose and eyes. “You’re here now,” Josh reassured the man softly, continuing to rub his back. He could tell it was working because the Niagara Falls of salt water from his ceiling had dispersed into tiny drips that eventually went away altogether. God, he was going to have such bad mold damage. Everything was wet.  
“Sorry,” Tyler whispered brokenly. “I- I can’t fix it.” He lifted his head slowly from where he had nuzzled into Josh’s shoulder to look into his eyes. “ ‘M sorry.”  
“It’s alright,” Josh reassured, his eyebrows drawn together in concern as he looked at Tyler. He then raised them in slight surprise as he felt the temperature of Tyler’s body go up a few degrees. It was very easy to notice when it felt like he’d been hugging a freezer for the last five minutes. “You’re warmer.” It sounded stupid when he said it out loud.  
Tyler nodded slowly, still shivering slightly. “ ‘S because I feel more human. But Josh… you’re not mean, not like I thought.”  
Josh let go reluctantly, leaning back to sit upright on the bed. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He just stared into Tyler’s black eyes stupidly. Finally, he opened his mouth and was about to speak when the door of the apartment burst open loudly. His head snapped back to see none other than Brendon Boyd Urie, obviously very drunk, no scratch that, very drunk and very high, stumble into the room with his girlfriend following close behind, slightly less drunk. That was the thing about Sarah, she was so much more sensible and clear-headed, but gorgeous, and just enough fun to make the two of them click. Josh often wondered what Brendon had done to deserve her, the bastard. “Were you talkin’ to yoself?” Brendon exclaimed in a fit of giggles, falling abruptly to the ground as Sarah let go of him. Josh looked back to the bed beside him quickly. Nothing there. A chill ran up his spine.  
Brendon didn’t seem to notice or care, he just pulled his girlfriend to the floor next to him and began to kiss her with soft noises, visibly using tongue. She giggled girlishly and kissed back, rolling over on top of him. Josh’s face scrunched up in horror. “Would you guys get a damn room?” “It is m-yy room,” Brendon slurred against Sarah’s lips. “You go away.”  
Josh scoffed in disgust, stepping over the making out couple on the floor to exit the apartment. “Use a fucking condom, Bren,” he said over his shoulder, shutting the door behind him. He looked down at his phone. It was nearly one. Perfect time for coffee and contemplation. At least, today it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd forgotten how cute this is. But if you have feels right now just you wait.


	7. Hope (or lack thereof)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some backstory. Like, fifty years ago backstory.

READER CAUTION ADVISED FOR DARK THEMES AND GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS

10:58 PM, 1962

Tyler was tucked away in his dorm room. It was small. The walls were white and plain. There was nothing except a small bed and a dresser. He had no roommate.  
Tyler was sitting in the corner, his knees drawn up into his chest. His body was shaking uncontrollably, goosebumps breaking out on his olive colored skin. He was wearing a long sleeve polo, but still he felt so cold. So cold. His eyes were bright red and puffy. Tears slipped silently from his face and followed well defined paths down his cheeks, dripping to his chest. A pocket knife was in his hand, and he turned it over and over in a steady rhythm on his palm.  
He was looking out the window, to the last rays of sun as it set. Outside, people walked by. Normal, happy people, going to their dorms for the night. Jocks in leather jackets and hippies, so many hippies, trying to hide the fact that they were high on campus. A couple walked by, the guy’s arm around the girl’s shoulder. Tyler was jealous of them. He would give anything to be them. Everybody had somebody. That was what was expected, finding a girl, starting a family. Tyler would never have that. Never. He didn’t like girls. He liked boys. He was a freak. And he would never have anybody. He wished he could drink it all away too, maybe smoke something. But he had to be faithful to his God, the God he believed really did exist, out there somewhere. The one that had made this whole messed up world and all the people in it. Tyler often wondered exactly when he’d left them all to suffer and die. He could leave Tyler, but Tyler would not leave him. It was the only thing he had left. There was something wrong with the world. He didn’t know exactly what it was, or how to fix it. Every day, there were protests now. Protests about black people's rights. Protests about the war, the one that was in Vietnam. People all shouting things at each other, disagreeing about right and wrong. It made Tyler feel sicker than he already felt, to know things were happening and people were dying and God was turning a blind eye to it all.  
He wanted to forget this feeling. He’d had it his whole life, but today, today it was worse than it had ever been. The feeling that kept his burning eyes open at night and made him not want to eat food or drink water and weighed his limbs down so he couldn’t go to class anymore, couldn’t do any work. No one had noticed. In fact, it was right there, all the homework he hadn’t done in a heaping pile on his dresser. It felt small. Unimportant. Why bother doing it? He was never going to accomplish anything. Every goal he had once set for himself was unobtainable and worthless, like dust in the wind. He was going to die. And everybody was going to forget about him. Even his parents, who hadn’t called to check in for weeks. The world was going to forget about him.  
He stopped turning the knife to grip it tightly in his palm. He slid up his sleeve, looking down with blurry vision to see lines all up his forearm, then the deeper, oozing scars on top of them. Razors weren’t enough anymore. His forearms were too fresh right now, so he slid up his gray pants. His ankles stung as he did so, and he looked down to find them sliced and bleeding weakly as well. He’d forgotten he’d done that a few hours ago. So he pulled off his tear stained shirt, looking down at the thin lines across his torso. It was so ugly. Everything about him was ugly, and fat, and horrible to look at. He was disgusting. Not only outside, but the inside as well. He deserved this.  
He made a choked noise as he sliced into his abdomen, sliding the blade shakily across his stomach. Blood immediately welled up and flowed down his side in a crimson colored river, soaking into the carpet beneath. It felt good to see his lifeblood spilling out of his body, like he was getting the poisonous thoughts out of his head, or just taking away a part of his horrific body, getting a little bit closer to the end of his life. He sliced another, deeper line, ripping into the muscles beneath his skin with white hot pain. It distracted him from his head, but not enough. For some reason, this time nothing would stop the hatred and pain that had made its home in his chest.  
He wanted to die, Tyler decided.  
And that’s what he was going to do. It would happen on its own eventually. And there was nothing left for him here.

1:02 AM

Tyler didn’t know how to tie a noose. And he had no way to find out, except to try and fail again and again. Fail, just like he did at everything else. He had long ago picked out this spot, a little building in some nearby woods made of stainless steel. It used to be used for electricity, or power, or something, but all the equipment had since been moved out of it. Conveniently, there was a hook left screwed into the ceiling some wire had used to run through. Finally, Tyler was able to make a snarled but solid loop, big enough to fit his head through.  
He looked at it. He looked at it and cried, because he was afraid. He was afraid he would go to hell. But this was hell, wasn’t it? He cried until he couldn’t breathe. He wanted help, he wanted to be saved from himself. He wanted to be hugged and told it was okay, that everything was going to be alright. But it was just him and the dark night and the cold metal under his feet and a God that didn’t care. He stood on his tip-toes to tie the rope around the hook snugly. Something poked him in his back, and he reached into his pocket to pull it out.  
It was his pen.  
His beautiful, green glass pen that he’d spent a lot of money on and saved to write only his deepest thoughts and secrets in its smooth ink. There were so many, so many papers, all filled with poems written out in long metaphors and images of the darkness in his head, and his doubts, his fears, all painted as birds and water and ice through words. He couldn’t express them any other way. Whenever Tyler tried to talk, the words came out all wrong and jumbled. But even the writing couldn’t save him now. Because no one was ever going to see them.  
He’d burned them.  
And now it was time to destroy himself.  
He threw the pen roughly against the wall, watching it shatter into millions of glittering pieces as he sobbed. It was useless.  
He was cold, so cold he swore ice was forming at his very core. Everything was black and white in the dark, like the vibrancy and color had been drained away from it all to leave him wandering and numb. His tears fell down like rain to drip loudly against the dirty metal.  
Finish this waste of a life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now go listen to the beginning of Zack Hemsey - "The Way (Instrumental)" and we'll be all set.


	8. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of something beautiful.

Josh let out a whoop as the basketball fell cleanly through the hoop to bounce off of the gymnasium floor. His shirt was long gone and still he was sweating profusely from the effort of the game. It felt good. He’d already done a quick full body workout about an hour ago in the attempt to keep toned and not let the alcohol get to him. Zach had joined him too after music theory 103 had gotten out and they’d headed to the rec center together, then pulled together a bunch of guys to split into teams. Brendon had joined them too, although… Josh wasn’t sure he was there mentally so much as physically. Brendon was wrecked.  
The college was in a good part of the city. It was kind of hard to get ahold of weed, although Josh had never had much of a taste for it anyway. He had no idea how Brendon had managed to smoke a few blunts last night while getting shitfaced on beer (and probably shots), then proceeding to hook up with his girlfriend. At least it was his girlfriend, not some random chick. He’d probably failed their test. Josh almost felt bad for him, but not really. Josh had slept on a couch. Not only that, but some things had been giving him second thoughts about his best friend’s habits, as well as his own. His eyes flashed briefly to the man, slumped against the wall.  
“Dun! Heads up!” Josh quickly turned his head to look back at the game and stretched his arms out to catch the ball. He dribbled low between his legs, taking a few steps before throwing to someone else, an African American guy. He grinned wolfishly as they scored another goal.  
It took another half an hour for them to call it a game. Every guy was exhausted, and a lot of them needed to get ready for another class, in Josh’s case American literature. His team had won by twelve, and he was kind of smug about it. He high-fived Zack on the way out of the gymnasium, promising to talk to him soon. It was then that he noticed with distaste the group of girls that had huddled up to watch them play through the glass of the doors. He tried to shoulder his way past them but one grabbed his shoulder, and he reluctantly stopped. “You play really well,” she giggled, giving him a quick but noticeable up down. Fuck, he’d forgotten he wasn’t wearing a shirt.  
“Thanks,” Josh replied, trying to conceal his disinterest. “I’ve been playing for a while.” He tried to pull away but the girl started talking again.  
“Could I maybe, get your number? We could just, you know, chill sometime.” The other girls around her exchanged sly glances.  
Josh gave up and let his expression turn to a glare. “No,” he said flatly, finally pulling away enough to start walking away.  
“Don’t be a dick,” the girl called after him, obviously pissed.  
“Then don’t be a slut,” he muttered back, just loud enough for her to hear. He didn’t look back but he could feel her furious stare burning into his back.  
He turned the corner to find himself face to face with Brendon, who had obviously taken the other exit. “The fuck was that?” his friend demanded. “She’s hot! What, you can’t go on a date for once in your life?” Josh let out an extremely exasperated sigh.  
“Why don’t you go take a cold shower, Bren? I think you’re still kinda stoned, aren’t you. And you should be feeling that hangover soon.” Josh brushed past his friend, determined to go find his shirt.  
“What, you’re still mad at me, man?” Brendon whined, running his hand through his hair. “Look, you’re the one who left after the movie! Not my fault for, um… whatever I did! You could’ve had fun too, hooked up. If you were a real man.”  
Josh’s shoulders stiffened. He did not reply.  
~ ~ ~  
“I heard shit got kinda ugly between you and Beebo.”  
Josh reluctantly looked up from the website he was scrolling through on his laptop to meet Mark’s eyes. If it was anyone else, he would have told them he was busy and to go away. He wasn’t really in the mood for friendly conversation anymore. But it was Mark. Mark was by far the most sensible out of them all, and the most likely to say something that might actually help.  
“Do you give a fuck?” Josh questioned, raising an eyebrow. Mark pulled out the other chair and sat down next to him casually. The library was relatively quiet, but their conversation was still muffled by other low voices, flipping pages, and taps of laptop keys. There was also, of course, the distinct smell of paper and freshly brewed coffee. Josh liked the library.  
“I don’t know,” his friend finally sighed, propping his feet up. “You guys live together; you’ll either figure it out or you’ll end up killing each other. Either way, problem solved.”  
Josh chuckled. “Touché.”  
Mark continued to study him through lazily half closed eyes. “What I am wondering, is do you really even like girls? Honestly?”  
Josh groaned, running his fingers through his bleached curls. “Don’t start this,” he begged, looking down at the ground.  
“I’m not starting anything,” Mark insisted. “It’s just a question.”  
Josh tightened his grip on his hair, not looking up. “I don’t know… I mean… well, not really. I guess.”  
Mark raised his eyebrows, obviously trying to conceal his surprise to keep things casual. “Oh. You, you don’t find anything attractive about a nice pair of boobs man? Never? Wow.”  
Josh said nothing, his face tinging pink slightly.  
“Are you gay?”  
“Hell no!” Josh instantly retorted, snapping his head upwards. “You really think I’m gay, Mark? I’m around you and the guys all day dicking around.”  
Mark raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Calm down dude I was just asking!”  
Josh narrowed his eyes before going back to scrolling on the laptop. ‘I’m not gay, man.”  
“Fine. But what are you then?”  
Josh shrugged halfheartedly. “Never given it much thought I guess.”  
Mark made a ‘fair enough’ face and stood up, pushing the chair back in. “Your secret’s safe with me. And next time you guys are at the rec center, text me. I wanted to play too.”  
“Alright,” Josh replied, shoulders relaxing a little as he copied and pasted something. “I will.”  
~ ~ ~  
As soon as Josh had stepped foot into the apartment, he realized he had made a mistake. Everything was still damp, and the carpet was starting to crust over with salt. He made a mental note to go outside next time he thought Tyler was going to cry. This was going to be a pain in the ass to try and fix.  
The first thing he did was throw the bedsheets and anything else washable in a pile to take to the laundry. Then he borrowed a shop-vac from Jay to get all the salt out of the fibers of the carpet, which took nearly an entire hour. Finally, he set up as many fans as he could get ahold of in the attempt to dry things out before it was too late, which it probably already was. Brendon had obviously had been too fucked up to notice the entire room was soaking wet, which only said even more about how far gone he was last night. If they had to pay for water damage, dinners would be consisting more of Ramen and less of Panda Express for a while. Plus, Bren would definitely find out that Josh had lied about putting the pen back.  
About an hour later, when things were just beginning to dry, there was a knock on the door. Josh felt a flare of panic as he looked up from his Twitter feed. “Dude, um, look, I’m sorry about earlier,” Brendon’s muffled voice drifted through the door. “But why are there so many fans on what are you doing?”  
“Dyeing,” Josh quickly lied. “I know you hate the smell of hair dye- um, why don’t you maybe cook tonight? We’ve been eating out a lot and I’m not exactly made of money. I’ll do it next time.”  
There was an exasperated sigh. “If it’ll make you chill.” He faintly heard the sound of footsteps as Bren left to go get groceries. They didn’t have a kitchen in this ridiculously tiny room either; he’d have to use the college kitchens. He wouldn’t be back for a while.  
Josh let out a soft sigh of relief. Looked like he’d be dyeing his hair tonight. He’d bleach it again first, then pick a color. He got his supplies out, then slowly massaged the lightener into the longer curls down the middle of his scalp, avoiding the shaved sides. He leaned against bedframe. He was sore. Sore and tired. And… he was frustrated. Frustrated with the repetitiveness of the homework, and the classes. It was hard to go back to school. And not just that, he was frustrated with the parties too, and his friends. He’d started to feel guilty about drinking and having a good time every week, which he never had in the past. It was frustrating. And not to mention there was a damn ghost living with him now, apparently. Maybe he should call his mom. No, she’d never understand. Maybe… He stood up, sifting through the dresser. There it was, all bright, beautiful, broken green. Green. That should be his hair color. He grabbed the pen, and the paper, then sank back to the floor, immediately beginning to scribble down his thoughts.  
It took about a page and a half for him to start feeling better this time. His eyes scanned the sloppy letters in approval before he glanced upwards. Tyler was staring at him intently, mere inches from his face. Josh inhaled sharply and flinched backward. “Tyler!” He exclaimed. “You can’t just do that!” The fans must have masked the sound of breathing. Josh had forgotten how startling the lack of color in his clothes and skin was to look at. It was even worse in the day. The sun made the blacks and whites and grays of the young man look even more dead compared everything around him.  
“Sorry,” Tyler whispered, blinking like he was coming out of a trance.  
Josh bit his lip as a thought struck him. “Um,” he began cautiously, “Do you stare at me… like, all the time? You know, being invisible and all?”  
Tyler immediately broke eye contact, looking away. Josh swore he was blushing but it was nearly impossible to tell because of the lack of pigment in his skin. “ ‘M not here when the pen’s not with you,” Tyler assured, obviously avoiding the question. “ ‘N I can go away for a little while. Like sleeping. Sometimes. You’ve seen.”  
Josh nodded, still chewing on his lip. “It’s- it’s fine. But, um, why?”  
Tyler didn’t answer, instead choosing to peer curiously at the top of Josh’s head. “What’s in your hair?”  
“Um, I’m making it lighter so I can dye it.”  
“Dye it?” Tyler repeated in confusion.  
“Change the color to whatever I want. Bright green this time.”  
Tyler’s expression brightened. It was the closest thing Josh had ever seen to a smile on the other boy’s face.  
“What?” he questioned.  
Tyler was silent for a moment, like he was thinking his words over carefully. “Green,” he began slowly, “Green ‘s the color of leaves, plants, things that are alive. Limes, Josh. ‘N apples. Green tea. They’re all beautiful things. I’ve missed them all so much.”  
It was then Josh began to realize exactly how awful it would be to be trapped in a room for fifty years, unable to see or do or even touch anything. To just wish for an apple. He felt sick about how close he’d been to condemning this ghost, or idea, whatever he was back to that existence. “I’ll make you some tea,” he said, standing up. “Green tea. Just stay here.”  
Tyler quickly stood up too, his expression turning somber again. “I don’t need it, Josh. Don’t waste it. I don’t even want it.”  
“It wasn’t a question,” Josh spat, suddenly angry at the fact nothing could seem to make the other boy happy. Tyler took a step back. “I’m sorry,” Josh soothed, “Just hold on.”  
He ran to the sink to wash out the lightener. It had definitely been half an hour. There the hair was, even lighter blond than before. Lucky for him, they had a tea maker as well as a coffee maker in the bathroom, mostly because Bren occasionally got cravings for it. He set it up and let it brew as he squeezed neon green into the pan and began to brush it into his curls. He finished right as the alarm beeped. Damn, he was good.  
When he came back out, Tyler was going through his dresser, looking at each object in fascination as he pulled it out. He was leafing through a book when Josh cleared his throat. The black and white boy looked back to meet Josh’s eyes in embarrassment. “Sorry,” he breathed, beginning to put everything back quickly.  
“No, it’s fine,” Josh replied, sitting down cross-legged on the floor as the held the cup of tea between his hands. “You haven’t been able to touch things, right?”  
Tyler nodded in relief, a smile pulling lightly at the corner of his mouth. It made Josh’s chest tingle. Tyler moved to sit across from him, lightly taking the tea from Josh’s hands with a brush of ice cold fingers.  
He took a drink, and Josh watched as color momentarily blossomed in his face. Light olive colored skin tinged pink around the cheeks was all Josh had time to look at before it all faded back to gray. It reminded him of throwing a rock into a pond and watching it splash before the ripples spread out and disappeared into the water. “You like it that much, huh?” Josh said, unable to stop a grin from spreading across his face. Tyler nodded vigorously before he took another long drink, closing his eyes. Another bloom of color.  
“It’s so warm, ‘n tastes so good,” Tyler said in awe, eyes twinkling.  
“I would give you more, but Bren will be back soon,” Josh reminded gently.  
“Josh?” Tyler set the cup gently on the carpet.  
“Yeah?”  
“Thank you.” And then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone can guess Josh's sexuality at this point there will be a reward. Perhaps your own original character can make a cameo.
> 
> Edit: Congrats to tantaniaqueen. Her addition will be appearing in Chapter 17.


	9. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boo, bitches. It's Halloween.

“Are you sure?”  
“Yes I’m sure,” Josh whispered back to the voice in his ear. “But I need to practice, shut up.” He turned his attention back to the snare.  
It had been over a month since he’d met the mystery that was Tyler. Tyler Joseph as he’d found out. He’d begun to carry the pen around with him everywhere after he realized Tyler could only stay in the room it was in. It wasn’t fair, he thought, to be confined to a single space all the time. It was always buried in his right front pocket, next to his gum. The only time he left Tyler at the apartment was when he went to the parties, then he really let himself go all the way. Yet, he could never hear the gentle breathing unless everything was dead silent. Most of the time he forgot Tyler was even there. It wasn’t so bad. Just, like, the weirdest friend he’d ever had. Not even a friend, a best friend.  
When he had the chance, which wasn’t as often as he'd like, he’d pull out the pen and write the thoughts going through his head. He’d blink and Tyler would be standing there, every time. He made the other boy tea, sometimes a little bit of food. Josh told him everything. The little arguments he had with his friends, the pressure he felt in his classes, the anxiety about his future. He wasn't sure exactly where the trust came from. Maybe it was the small nods Tyler would give, eyes flicking up and down Josh's face as he listened. Maybe it was that Tyler always had damn good advice, or just a soft embrace to offer him. It was something he'd never had before, that kind of emotional connection to someone. Especially someone who wasn't truly alive.  
The one thing they didn’t talk about Tyler’s past. It was never about Tyler. But today would be different. Today was October 31st. Nobody would question a black and white boy on Halloween, he was pretty sure.  
He was breathing heavily by the time his sticks stopped blurring through the air. So much to practice, so little time. That was the life of a music major, not to mention the concert coming up. For Josh, it mostly meant drum playing for hours at a time, although Bren himself was practically fused with the keyboard and synth right now. He wondered how much Tyler hated him for it.  
He wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt and adjusted his backwards snapback, then went back to playing. Crescendos that grew from a light patter to a roaring drumroll, and difficult rhythm patterns that required every ounce of his concentration. He growled when the door to the practice room opened and Brendon waltzed inside. Speak of the devil. “I’m trying to get something done!” he complained, halting his movements.  
“It’s Halloween, Jersh,” Brendon laughed, slapping Josh on the back. “You can’t hide here the whole night.”  
Josh rolled his eyes but stuck the sticks in his back pocket. “You do realize it’s only four, right?”  
Brendon jumped up and down like a happy child. “We’re going to have the most kick ass costumes ever. Plus, we’re all going out to eat. The music majors pitched in to get a whole place. It’s going to be so lit!”  
Josh grinned, beginning to bubble in excitement as well. “Too bad that bruise on your face is all healed up, you could’ve gone as a car crash.”  
“Shut up. You could go as a fucking lawn of grass with that hair.”  
Josh laughed loudly.  
~ ~ ~  
Josh pulled the Mustang over to the side of the road. He’d driven all the way out of the city and taken a sparsely populated back route through the woods for this; it was going to cost a fortune in gas. But it was worth it. He pulled out a notebook and the broken pen and began to write. Write about how excited he was for tonight, to give Tyler a chance to be human again for a short time. He wrote about his fears about what could go wrong, the apprehension in his chest. He wanted to say he was confident he could keep the other boy safe, but he’d quickly discovered that if he lied while writing Tyler wouldn’t show up at all. It had to be true. When he looked up Tyler was in the passenger seat with wide eyes, gazing around at the trees. “Will that last long enough?” Josh questioned. “Or do I need to do more?”  
Tyler shook his head softly. “ ‘S enough for tonight. But Josh, how are you going to explain me?”  
“I’ll say you’re my brother, and you’ve already put on your costume makeup. None of my friends have ever met my family.”  
“Oh.” Josh was surprised by the note of hurt in Tyler’s voice as the young man looked down at his hands.  
“What, Ty?”  
“Nothing. I’ll be your brother. Let’s drive.”  
Josh tilted his head in slight confusion, but started the engine again with a purr. He ripped back down the road, obviously going as fast as possible. He cranked up the music and rolled down the windows, hoping there were no cops nearby. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the wind rippling through Tyler’s fluffy hair. He turned his head for a few seconds to look. The other boy had stuck his hand out of the window to feel the strong current of air. His eyes were glinting in exhilaration, and a smile was tugging at his lips. Josh had never seen anything so beautiful.  
~ ~ ~  
“Your makeup looks so good!” Brendon gasped, looking Tyler up and down. “That’s like, next level, man!”  
“Thanks,” Tyler replied shyly, leaning against the apartment doorway.  
“Bren, this is my brother, Tyler. Tyler, this is Brendon.”  
Tyler grinned softly at the irony of the introduction, but nonetheless reached out his hand to shake Brendon’s. Bren’s eyes widened at how cold they were. “Sorry,” Tyler mumbled, “I had my hand out the window the whole drive. Josh likes to speed.” It wasn’t a lie.  
“Showing off how cool you are, huh?” Bren said, throwing a glance at Josh. “Well shit man, hang on. Me and your bro have to finish getting ready.”  
Jenna, done up as a princess, and another guy, going as the Flash, popped their heads out from the bathroom. They were majoring in stage makeup. Naturally, they were helping with everyone’s costumes. “Hi Tyler!” Jenna called cheerfully. “I’m Jenna, and this is Brad.” Tyler waved his hand at them both. He seemed normal enough, but Josh could tell from his body language he was nervous to talk to people again. He didn’t blame the guy.  
“I’ll be right back,” Josh said to Tyler quietly, squeezing his shoulder before darting away to the bathroom. Bren was getting outfitted in black to be a ninja, waving his pair of plastic nunchucks all around and nearly hitting Jenna as she laced up the boots. Brad (apparently that was his name) carefully drew green and black makeup across Josh’s face as he turned him into an alien. It matched his hair quite well, plus Josh loved aliens anyway. The X-Files had been his religion from a young age. By the time they were done, they all looked amazing. Like, badass amazing. Tyler would blend right in. Jenna held out a hand expectantly, and Josh deposited a few dollar bills in it. Then the duo headed to the next hotel room. They were probably making a fortune.  
Brendon, Tyler, and Josh all piled into the Mustang shortly after. “You ready to actually tell me where we’re going for dinner?” Josh asked, raising his eyebrows at Bren.  
“Wait for it, wait for it,” Brendon replied, bouncing up and down. “We’re going to the steakhouse, the one all the way out by the lake. That’s where everything is.” He glanced down at his phone. “The other guys are already on their way.”  
“The lake?! Hell yeah!” Josh punched the air. “I’m gunna throw you off the dock, just you wait.”  
“You better not, asshole.”  
Tyler watched the interaction quietly from the back seat, obviously amused.  
Josh sped down the roads, letting out an exaggerated sigh whenever a light turned red. Thriller came up on the radio and Bren cranked it all the way up, bursting into song. Josh rolled his eyes but began to tap his hands against the steering wheel in the rhythm of a drummer. He grinned as his best friend hit a high note flawlessly. Bren mainly played synth and piano for concert purposes, but could handle bass guitar, drums, and above all could sing like a fucking siren. The guy could probably just be his own band if he wanted to. Soon, they were both completely into it, head banging and belting out the lyrics. Josh’s eyes widened as he heard Tyler join in, beginning to get the melody. His voice was higher pitched than Bren’s, but full of emotion and a lot clearer than how he normally spoke. Tyler sounded like a singer. A damn good one. As the song ended Josh landed a final slap on the steering wheel, then turned his head briefly to look at the black and white boy. “Ty, where’d you le-”  
“There it is!” Brendon squealed, cutting him off. The water of the lake was barely visible between buildings, glinting in the light of the setting sun. Josh pulled up a few moments later about a block from the restaurant, very close to the edge of the water. As they approached it, he squinted, trying to see clearly with the quickly fading sunlight outside. The lights were off in the restaurant, but faces were still illuminated by the glow of plastic pumpkins and candles. There were tables and tables of people, all drinking, eating, talking, and playing cards. He could also hear the music. Josh grinned wolfishly at Bren. He had been right, it was going to be lit. But then he caught sight of Tyler. The boy looked terrified. It hadn’t quite occurred to Josh until then that he wasn’t the kind of person that enjoyed parties, or even social situations at all. As Brendon sprinted through the front doors, Josh discretely resting his fingertips on Tyler’s shoulder in a comforting manner. “You can disappear if you want,” he whispered, leaning in close to Tyler’s ear. “I’ll come up with an excuse.”  
Tyler inhaled quickly at Josh’s breath, his colorless cheek tinging darker. “N-no, ‘s fine,” he whispered back. “Just stay with me. Please.”  
Josh squinted slightly in confusion at Tyler’s reaction, but then nodded. “Of course I will,” he said gently, stepping back. He guided Tyler inside with a gentle touch to a table of his friends. Jay, in a Stormtrooper costume. Mark, a Ghostbuster. Zack, oh god, Zack in a Pikachu hoodie. Once again, Tyler was introduced as Josh’s brother. He sheepishly nodded, playing along. Everyone greeted him enthusiastically in turn as they all took their seats. The waitress came around to take their orders a few moments later. After taking one look at Tyler’s expression, Josh ordered for the other man, reassuringly touching his fingers to Tyler’s back for a second again. “Steak and fries for him please. And, um, I’ll be having pizza.”  
The conversation ranged from who was going to the campus haunted house afterwards to political opinions to gossip about who was dating who. As Josh made fun of Zach’s costume, he paid attention to Tyler out of the corner of his eye. The figure didn’t say very much, drawn into his oversized hoodie, but listened intently. He also obviously enjoyed every bite of the steak and fries that was eventually brought out. Josh dug into his pizza, but was rather frustrated that Bren was enjoying a beer and he couldn’t, legally. They were only one year apart, what the hell? Nevertheless, it was a good time. When all of their stomachs hurt from too much food and laughing at dirty jokes, Tyler included to his surprise, they ordered dessert anyway. Josh was beginning to suspect that since Tyler didn’t need food anyway he couldn’t get full, because the kid practically inhaled his scoop of chocolate ice cream. It was the happiest Josh had ever seen him. His eyes widened as he saw Tyler’s skin was becoming more… skin colored. “Your makeup is starting to come off,” he said casually, before anyone could say anything. Tyler held his hand up in front of his face, staring in fascination at the faint olive tones showing through the gray of his skin.  
“Yeah Dun,” Bren piped in. “Yours still looks too clean and pristine. I think we can all agree it’s time to mess it up.”  
Josh laughed incredulously, eyebrows raising. “Um, what?”  
“Dunk him. Duunk him! Duuunk him!!” Zack began the chant quietly, but it grew in volume as everyone at the table joined in, pounding their fists on the wood.  
“Shit.” Josh knew what was coming. He tried to bolt to escape his inevitable fate, but a laughing Mark and Zack grabbed his arms tightly. He was hoisted out of his seat as more people grabbed his legs and torso. They held him above their heads as they ran chanting out of the restaurant. It probably looked like a cult sacrifice. He could see faces watching from inside the restaurant, waiters included, as the group marched down to the dock.  
“You deserve this one,” Brendon giggled, skidding to a halt at the edge of the water. “Ready? One, two…” The rest of the small crowd counted him off as Josh was swung back and forth by the arms and legs.  
“No no n- fuck you!!” was all Josh managed to get out before he was flying through the air, flailing as he hit the water with a huge splash. The water was dark, and deep. But most of all, it was fucking cold. Like jumping into an ice bath. He surfaced with a huge gasp right next to the dock, immediately reaching a hand up for help back onto dry land. When Bren reached down and took it. As if that was an ample apology. Josh yanked him into the water too with a yelp and a splash, laughing sharply at the sweet revenge. He was assaulted as a furious Brendon swam over. While they were wrestling, more of his friends began to cannonball off of their own free will, screaming at the cold and ruining their costumes. It quickly turned to chaos.  
Josh swam, then waded, over to the shoreline underneath the dock where it was covered with little crustaceans. Everyone was splashing and yelling as he laid on his back, gasping for air and shivering in his little hideaway. He saw a white blur through the water and makeup on his eyelashes and blinked quickly as he discerned Tyler’s face. The other man moved to sit down next to him, soaking his own jeans in the wet sand. Josh grinned brightly up at him, sitting up and shaking the water out of his ears. Tyler was looking at him with a small smile. “I thought you said you would throw Brendon in instead.”  
“I should’ve, that bastard.”  
The two boys settled into a comfortable silence as they sat together under the dock. They simply watched the college students splash playfully, breaking apart the silver reflection of the moon in the dark waves over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what sucks? Writer's block. Writer's block sucks.


	10. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler, baby, that probably wasn't a good idea.

9:32 PM  
  
Tyler had been here before. He’d hidden himself away beneath this very same dock. It had been rebuilt, but the memory was still there. It had been raining. It had been cold, always cold. Huge clashes of thunder over the water, strikes of blistering lighting on the horizon. He hadn’t gone inside, just huddled underneath the dock where no one could see him. And he’d written. A poem he’d named ‘Drown’. Because that’s what he had wanted to do. He wanted to walk out into that swirling black water, and let it fill up his lungs and take him away. He’d sat there as that storm raged over his head, and talked to God. He talked about how he wanted to get better, to beat the demons. He wanted to try. But every time he tried, they would always come back, with their claws digging into his chest and making his feel like he was nothing, making blood drip down his body like it was them doing the slicing instead of him. Making every bright thing turn black and every black thing turn blacker. He was alone. He didn’t want to continue, not anymore. He wanted to drown.  
But now, oh now the world was so different. The water was black, the air was cold. But he could breathe again. Breathe because of the pale silver moon reflected in the choppy waves. Breathe because of the sailboats far out in the water, glowing softly. Breathe because of the faint laughed drifting towards him, of people dressed in ridiculous outfits splashing at each other in total bliss. But more than anything, he could breathe because of the perfect boy with light green hair sitting next to him, his head leaning lazily against his knee. His eyes grew cloudy. Why had he ever stopped trying? All he could have seen, all he could have done, all he could have lived. He hadn’t realized how much he would miss it all, the world itself. The voices screaming in his mind had distracted him. Had it really been worth it? It was too late to decide now. He’d reduced himself to something less than human, an idea caught between the trappings of the earth and the stars that glittered above his head. He couldn’t go back to either one now. And it was all his fault. Josh looked over as he heard Tyler sniffle, attempting to hold back tears.  
“Ty, hey,” Josh soothed, wiping Tyler’s eyes with his thumb. “Don’t cry, you’ll make it rain on everybody. What’s wrong?”  
Tyler cracked a smile at the statement. “Nothing,” he whispered. “I just… ‘s that I wish I was like you, Josh. I want to be human again.” It always sounded stupid when it came out of his own mouth.  
“You can be,” Josh replied confidently. “Don’t worry Ty, I’ll keep writing for you, and you can, um, well you started to turn colored at the restaurant didn’t you? I’ll find a way.”  
“You don’t understand, Josh. I made a mistake. A bad mistake.” Tyler’s eyes teared up again.  
“What mistake?”  
“It’s too late.”  
Josh’s expression turned annoyed, just like it always did when something wasn’t going right. That was one of the things he’d noticed about Josh. He got angry. Not hurt, not sad. Angry. “Tyler, please stop being a cryptic son of a bitch and tell me what’s going on.”  
Tyler took a shuddering breath. He heard drops of rain begin to patter down on the dock a tear ran down his face, and the lake was suddenly filled with ripples of water as rain sprinkled down from the sky.  
“Tyler.” Josh sounded stern, but worried.  
“I k-illed myself.” The words came out funny as Tyler hiccupped. He tried to hold back the flood of tears behind his eyes, but they all came out when he saw Josh.  
The other man’s chin trembled, and his jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth. His eyebrows were drawn together in a grimace of shock and hurt. He said nothing. Tyler couldn’t bear to look at the expression. It stabbed through his heart, the knowledge that he’d let yet another person. And not any person. Josh. He stood up quickly, splashing water over the two of them as he turned to run, but his ankle was grabbed by Josh, and he fell flat on his face in the sand instead. He choked out a sob as he laid there limply, and the rain got heavier. He heard the splashing stop, people beginning to climb out of the water. Josh pulled him back to the hideaway under the dock, drawing Tyler into his arms. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Josh whispered softly, rocking Tyler back and forth in his arms like a child. “I thought maybe you had.” His voice sounded rough, like even Josh might be close to tears.  
“ ’M sorry, ’m so sorry,” Tyler blubbered through hiccupping sobs. “ ’M sorry Josh. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean any ‘f it, I’ve ruined it all. It was all a mistake! I was jus’ so alone and you d-on’t understand you don’t know. It all hu-rt ‘n… ‘n… but, I threw it a-ll away, Josh. I don’ want to die anymore. I want to be here, with y-” He stopped as a finger was pressed gently to his lips.  
“What can I do to help you?” Josh said quietly. His eyes were worried.  
Tyler smiled brokenly. “You already have.”  
There was a long moment of comfortable silence between them as Tyler buried his head in Josh’s shoulder. The drops of rain pattering against the dock over their heads slowed, then stopped. Tyler simply breathed in the other man’s strong arms. Even though Josh was soaking wet, the embrace made Tyler’s skin warm and tingly. It was the first time in a long time he’d felt warm. And safe. “Josh?” Tyler finally whispered, his voice so quiet it was barely audible.  
Josh leaned back a little so he could look the other boy in the eye. “Yeah?”  
“Don’t leave me alone.”  
“I’m not going to, Ty. I swear.”  
Tyler jumped as Josh’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Br-Brendon’s probably looking for you.”  
“I know. C’mon, I’m going to show you more things worth living for.”  
  
2:49 AM  
  
Tyler was not human, so Tyler was not tired. He was worried, however, about Josh, who had drifted into the opposite lane about four times on the drive back to the apartment complex. Brendon was passed out in the backseat, snoring softly. Neither one of them had even had anything to drink, which Tyler found shocking given the two boys’ tendencies he’d been observing over the last month. He resting a finger gently on the steering wheel to guide the car as his thoughts drifted back through the night. After they’d left the little niche under the dock to warm up with a huge bonfire some other people had made. They’d driven around smashing pumpkins, which was something Tyler would never do but found funny to watch all the same. They’d also gone through the campus haunted house a few times. And eaten various treats including churros, which were the most delicious things Tyler had even tasted. It had been the best night of his life, quite honestly. If this counted as life.  
He helped Josh pull crookedly into his space in the parking garage. Brendon lifted his head with a groan as the car stopped. “We here?”  
Tyler nodded, eyes flicking between the two bleary-eyed men.  
“Thank god,” Bren yawned, dragging himself out of the car. “You staying the night?”  
Tyler hadn’t thought about that. “Um, yes, ‘s fine. I’ll be gone by the time you wake up.” It was the truth.  
“Mm hm,” Bren hummed, struggling to stay upright as he began to walk away.  
Tyler placed a hand on Josh’s neck, trying not to think too hard about the softness of his skin. Josh’s eyes snapped open as he shot upright with a snort. “Jesus christ,” he gasped, rubbing his eyes. “You have cold hands Ty.”  
“ ‘M always cold,” Tyler stated, grabbing Josh’s wrist to pull the man to a standing position. He grabbed the keys from Josh’s sleepy fingers and locked the car for him. They made their way to the room slowly, occasionally bumping into something due to everything being pitch black. The door creaked loudly when Brendon pulled it open. “Do your neighbors hate you? Or your landlord?” Tyler questioned with a slight smirk.  
“Neighbors er like us, in college,” Josh slurred. “And landlord doesn’t care. Jus’ we act good when he comes ‘round.”  
Tyler could clearly see Josh’s expression light up when he saw his bed. He flopped down onto it, nuzzling into the blankets like a cat. It made Tyler smile. His breath caught in his throat, however, when Josh ripped off his shirt and kicked off his pants out of habit before settling into the sheets, chest slowly rising and falling. Tyler had watched him before when this happened, but he was always just a breath of air. It felt more dangerous now, knowing that Josh could roll over any second and see Tyler’s eyes raking over his body. But he didn’t. Both he and Bren were asleep in seconds. Tyler sat down cross-legged on the floor, still completely awake.  
He felt guilty about how he felt about Josh. He didn’t think Josh felt the same way about him, or at least not consciously. But the 20-year old that had accidentally stumbled upon Tyler was… well, how could you not be attracted to him? He was funny, in a snarky sarcastic kind of way, he was hot headed, he didn’t think twice about doing stupid things, but at the same time he really did care deep down. He was dedicated, Tyler could tell by the amount of time he spent practicing drums. He seemed to do his homework. He exercised often, much to Tyler’s delight at being able to see his defined abdominal muscles and tight biceps flexing. He was everything Tyler wasn’t. It was fascinating. It was something new. And, god, the way he flipped pencils across his knuckles when he was concentrating, and his laugh. The way his eyes got all squinty when he smiled, and how his bright green hair was always so fluffy.  
Tyler blinked as Josh rolled over in his sleep with a rustling noise, his cheek squished against the pillow and his arm extended straight out across the bed towards Tyler. It was the perfect spot for someone else to be laying. Tyler’s heart thumped in his chest. No, that was a terrible idea. What if he woke up? Well… well then Tyler could withdraw, couldn’t he? Disappear his body into nothingness until he was ready to come back as a breath of air? It would be fine. Besides, when would he ever have another chance?  
He lightly stood up. Very, very carefully, he laid down on the bed, resting his head on Josh’s arm. He saw Josh’s expression twitch slightly at the coldness of Tyler skin, but then with a jolt Tyler felt warmth pool where they were touching, just like the hug under the dock, except even more so. It felt so nice. He didn’t know exactly why it was happening, but it felt like…tasting chocolate if you’d been living off of rice your whole life. It felt new, new and so good. He experimentally pressed his hand against Josh’s chest and watched in fascination as vibrant color and warmth blossomed in his skin. It looked so different from the bone white of the rest of his arm. He wanted more. Any caution he had left disappeared as he pressed their bodies together fully. It felt like heaven. He was warm everywhere now, and tingly. It was even better when Josh subconsciously wrapped an arm around Tyler’s middle, without waking up. Tyler’s heart was hammering in his chest. Their faces were right next to each other. Josh’s lips were parted slightly in sleep, and his face was completely relaxed. It was too much. Tyler leaned forward and brushed their lips together, almost gasping when Josh’s stubble scratched pleasantly across his face. He did it again and again until he was kissing the other man in earnest, pleasure shooting through his veins and making him feel amazing. Nothing could stop him. Except maybe Josh’s eyes snapping open. The other man shot upright, flinging Tyler off the bed and onto the floor with a loud noise. The next thing he felt was a sharp, stinging slap that was delivered to his cheek.  
“Tyler, what the fuck are you doing!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see bitches. This story is far from over.


	11. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh is fucked up.

"Hey, um, do you think we should get a mini fridge?"  
Josh heard Brendon's voice clear as day as he slammed his drumsticks down against the silent practice pad, but chose to ignore it.  
A moment passed of more quick, dull thumps against the rubber.  
"Hey man, do you want a mini fridge in here?"  
Josh's fingers tightened around the sticks as he stopped playing, until they were white at the knuckles. "Sure." His voice was devoid of emotion.  
"Are you okay, man?"  
Josh turned around to stare coldly at Brendon. The other man was curled up on the couch, typing a paper on his laptop. "I am fine." He annunciated each word venomously.  
Bren obviously didn't get the hint. "Really, dude? Because you've been acting weird ever since Halloween. You know, like five days ago."  
"Would you just shut the hell up?" Josh spat, muscles quivering as he tried to contain the urge to sock Brendon in the eye.  
"Geez, man. Sorry." Bren went back to typing, obviously flustered.  
Josh went back to beating the sticks against the pad, a little harder than before.  
"You've just been drinking... more, and not skating or hanging as much, and you haven't talked about how bad you want a kitten in ages." Brendon was mumbling under his breath but Josh could still hear the other man quite clearly. His strokes increased in intensity, getting harder and harder until his drumstick broke with a sharp crack against the practice pad. There was a sheen of sweat on Josh's forehead. "Oops," he said sarcastically, tossing the now useless piece of wood over his shoulder.  
He left the room shortly after.   
~ ~ ~  
Josh wrapped his jacket more tightly around himself. It was raining. Not the gentle, drizzly kind of rain. The kind that blew sideways in the wind and stung when it hit your skin at the same time it soaked everything. The brick under his feet was ruddy brown and slippery from it, and he kept almost falling over.  
The thing was, Josh knew exactly why it was raining.  
Why it had been raining for almost a week now.  
But he wasn't going to think about that.  
He pulled the gray jacket even tighter around himself as he trudged toward the music building. The wind whipped his neon green curls into his eyes. It fucking hurt. He wished Tyler would stop crying, wherever he was.  
Tyler.  
Even thinking about the name made his chest clench in a mix of emotion.  
Josh stopped walking. He heard the campus bell ring, warning him he had five minutes to get to class. People shouldered past him with umbrellas, speed walking toward the building. Josh stepped toward the side of the path. What was even the point? All he'd been doing for days was playing drums anyway. And the concert didn't seem as important anymore either. It's not like he had anyone to show it to. It would just be his same shitty friends, all playing their instrument. Like always. He turned down a little connecting path between buildings, struggling to walk in the strong wind. It only took a few steps before he was completely alone, shrouded on either side by oak trees with branches that whipped back and forth. Thunder cracked in the distance. He let go of his jacket then, covering his face with his hands instead. He felt sick to his stomach. A little, soaking wet stone bench appeared on the side of the path as he turned the corner, so he made his way over and sat down. It didn't really help. He still felt like he was going to puke. All the feelings he'd been bottling up felt like they were trying to claw their way up his throat and escape. He leaned over, gagging slightly. He gagged again, but then quickly discovered that his chest was heaving not because he was throwing up, but because he was crying. He desperately wiped the tears from his cheeks, accidentally scratching himself in the process. He was a grown man, for fuck's sake. He shouldn't be fucking crying. But the bastards just kept coming out of his eyes. Fucking hell. Another clap of thunder.  
He dug his fingernails into his forehead, then slowly dragged them down his face. It left indents in his cheeks, all the way down to his lips. The lips Tyler had been kissing. He wanted to tear them off his face. How could Tyler do that to him? They were friends. Or, used to be. Tyler wasn't even a person. He was something less than human. And still, he'd managed to completely fuck everything up. Josh didn't even know why he felt like this. So... so... messed up. Wait, that was a lie. He did know what he felt. He just didn't want to admit it to himself.  
He choked on another sob as he tried to keep it inside.  
He'd liked it. He didn't want to like it. The kiss. It had been bad enough to start wondering how the fuck ghosts actually existed, start questioning all those physics lessons he'd taken. Wonder where Tyler came from, what he really was. And now that he knew, it was all so much worse. Tyler had killed himself. How could you kill yourself? Why? Was Josh the kind of person that made people want to kill themselves? Is that how it worked? Maybe he was. He didn't like that thought at all. He'd been forced to think about things like death, and life, and what he was even doing here. And now Tyler's soft lips had sent him uncontrollably spiraling into a black hole of confusion about his sexuality. It was one step too far. He couldn't deal with it. He'd thrown the pen out the window, that night on Halloween. He didn't know where Tyler was. Well obviously, he was throwing a temper tantrum somewhere, Josh could tell that by the continuous downpour from a nearly cloudless sky. He wished the other boy would just shut up already. It was all Tyler's fault anyway. It felt like Josh had been living in a little happy bubble, until Tyler had come along and smashed the shit out of it with a sledgehammer. Now, he couldn't drink or have fun anymore. He felt broken, and lost. All twisted up. Like a freak. He didn't want to think anymore.  
Josh clawed more tears out of his eyes as he stood up, bracing himself against the hurricane. He was shivering uncontrollably. He was going to go find alcohol. Maybe if he got drunk enough, he'd forget.  
~ ~ ~  
He was mixing rum with a cup of coffee for the fourth time when he heard the jingle of keys that meant Brendon was unlocking the door on the other side. Josh didn't look up as he swirled the two liquids together with a spoon, tapping the side of the mug with a little ting.  
"Um, is that rum? With coffee? That's nasty. Dude, I got a mini fridge so we could store, like, groceries. Not... a bottle of that."  
"So?"  
"Also, why did you go off on me for getting high a few weeks ago, when your eyes look like that. They're so fucking red."  
"I'm not high," Josh snarled.  
"Whatever," Bren sighed. He was obviously pissed.  
Josh didn't care. He took a long drink, then shouldered past the other man to try and get to his bed. The room was starting to spin a little bit.  
Brendon's pinkie caught on the edge of the mug. It fell to the floor out of Josh's hand, spilling dark liquid all across the carpet.  
"What the fuck did you do?!" Josh was practically screaming. He could hear his pulse in his ears.  
"What is wrong with you?! What's your fucking problem, Josh?!!" Brendon yelled back, his fists clenching.  
Josh didn't even feel like he was in control of his own body anymore. He took a drunken swing at Brendon's chin, hitting it badly, but hard enough to make Brendon's head jerk back.  
His best friend stared back at him in complete shock for about the count of two. Then, the other man's eyes turned to fire and he leaped onto Josh, punching him squarely in the face. Josh sloppily to knee him in the crotch in return but his limbs weren’t moving the way he wanted. Instead, Brendon kicked him in the side, hard, then punched him in the nose. Crack. His vision went white.  
They were both yelling. He couldn't even move it hurt so much. Brendon pinned him to the ground, punching him over and over and over again, all kinds of cuss words flying from his lips. The door flew open. Josh tried to turn his head to see who it was, but Bren took the opportunity to land another well-directed punch to his cheek. Everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bren: 1  
> Josh: 0  
> More to come.


	12. Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TEA TIME WITH GERARD, yes.

Eventually, the world faded back into existence. It was a painful experience to say the least. His ears were ringing loudly, and with every throb of his head the high pitched noise stabbed into his brain like a knife. His nose was on fire. His eyes were both nearly swollen shut. Josh rolled over and emptied the contents of his stomach into a bucket that had been conveniently placed right next to the bed. It just made everything hurt more. When he had nothing left to vomit up, he wiped his mouth with the back of his shaking hand.  
“You don’t look so good, buddy.”  
Josh looked up. At first, he couldn’t find the source of the voice through blurred vision. But with enough blinks, he could make out a face. Gerard. Wait, Gerard? His neighbor? His eyes darted all around the room as things came into focus. Little tiny succulent plants sat on the windowsill. The window itself was opaque with condensation, and he began to hear drops of rain pattering against it from the outside. The plain apartment walls were filled with superhero posters, superheroes he’d never even heard of for the most part. Action figures. Messy stacks of comic books. Some of it even looked like… anime? The definitely wasn’t his apartment. He groaned from the effort of trying to squint at objects so far away, letting his eyes slip back shut and his head fall back on the pillow.  
“Welcome to my humble abode,” came Gerard’s disembodied voice. “I live right next to you, remember? I’m that guy that gets to watch you come back wrecked every night. And you were so kind as to put a dent in the wall too, so there’s a bump over there.” Josh imagined he made a gesture towards the drywall.  
“Sorry.” Josh’s voice sounded thick and scratchy.  
“It’s alright man. Well, it is with me. Brendon isn’t so happy with you right now, you know? He said he doesn’t want to see your face until you stop being a… well, he said some not-nice things about you. I don’t know where you’d be if I didn’t take you to my place. You’ve been out for a day. I slept on the floor, I hope you appreciate my hospitality.”  
Josh’s eyes flew open at that, locked on Gerard. The other man didn’t look the least bit sorry for Josh; instead, there was a smug grin on his face. “A day?!”  
Gerard nodded. “Doesn’t sound like you were attending many classes beforehand though anyway. You should be fine. Hey, why don’t you go take a cold shower, if you can stand? You smell like puke.”  
Josh sighed deeply. There was no point in arguing with that. He crashed to the ground the first time he attempted standing, to Gerard’s amusement, but eventually he stumbled to the bathroom with a hand on the wall. The cold water made him gasp loudly, but it also shocked him back into reality. He could now remember why he’d downed a nearly full bottle of rum with coffee and tried to beat up his roommate. It sobered him.  
When he finished scrubbing himself and began to dry off, his own normally toned skin caught his attention. His torso was littered in green bruises, while a nasty blue-purple one blotched across his ribs. The mirror revealed even more. His nose was bent in an unfamiliar way and still filled with dried blood. Definitely broken. The rest of his features were swollen in red and shades of lavender, especially his cheeks and eyelids. His eyes themselves were bloodshot red. His own face kind of scared him, simply because it looked like his mental state had soaked through his skin for everyone to see. He didn’t want to look at it. He rummaged through his neighbor’s cabinet until he found some pain meds, which he gratefully swallowed as he pulled fresh clothes on.  
He was headed for the door when Gerard put down a book to step in front of him. “Where do you think you’re going?”  
“I go where I want to go,” Josh spat, taking another step forward.  
“No you don’t, buddy. You aren’t going to go to class, you’re going to go get drunk again and cause more problems. I’m not stupid.”  
Josh gritted his teeth together against his still throbbing head. “Stop me, I dare you.” To his utter surprise, he ran straight into Gerard’s palm. He’d always thought of his neighbor as a quiet, quirky nerd. Obviously, the same wasn’t true in private.  
“What are you going to do, beat me up too? Go sit down, Josh.”  
Josh locked their eyes together, determined to make the other man back down. But his neighbor stared right back at him like flint through his glasses, looking very unimpressed.  
“Whatever,” Josh sighed, his shoulders drooping. He turned away.  
“How about tea? Green tea. Sound good?” Gerard walked casually to the electric kettle on a table.  
Josh’s throat constricted as his head flooded with memories. “No, no green tea please. I really don’t like it, sorry.”  
“Well that’s funny,” Gerard replied evenly, shaking out the tea bags. “I hear you making it all the time. When you talk with someone.”  
Josh’s eyes emptied. “Leave me alone.”  
“The thing is,” Gerard continued, unaffected. “It kind of sounds like the same voice I heard when you had that little incident with water falling from the ceiling. You know, because of the ghost pen thing you said you put back? Oh wait, you didn’t say you put it back. I think the exact wording was ‘I took care of it’.”  
“Shut up.” It was supposed to sound intimidating, but Josh’s voice came out quiet and broken.  
Gerard’s mouth actually did snap shut, and the other man looked over his shoulder. Josh was silent. His eyes nearly began to water again, but he dug his fingernails into his palms and took a deep breath instead. Gerard finished making the tea in silence, then carefully brought back a cup. Josh took it, staring down at the swirling liquid as he slid to a sitting position. Gerard sat down next to him. “Look, I know something’s wrong Josh. And I know there’s no way in heck you’re going to talk about it, but you can’t go on like this, man.”  
“You’d never understand,” Josh whispered, emotion beginning to pool back in his chest.  
“Try me,” Gerard replied gently.  
Josh took a sip of the tea, enjoying the way the warm soothing liquid flowed down his throat. Then, he hesitantly began to speak. He started all the way back at the beginning, the Friday night in September when he’d been at a party. As he continued, he gained confidence, until he was making hand gestures and going into vivid detail. He didn’t really want to, but once he started he couldn’t stop; a dam had burst. It helped him straighten everything out in his mind. The other man listened intently, grinning at times and nodding solemnly at others. When Josh had finally finished, his throat was sore and his heart was heavy and his neighbor was silent. His phone informed him it had been almost an hour. Gerard glanced at the time too, then began having a heart attack. “Sh- crap! I’m going to be late! Um, just stay here, I have things to say after!” And with that, his neighbor was darting out the door with utmost urgency. Josh figured he should be in class right now too. He’d say he’d been sick.  
~ ~ ~  
Josh shoveled the microwave mac and cheese into his house. It tasted heavenly. He’d recovered little by little from his hangover and had time to do the very thing he’d been avoiding- think. It had improved his mental state and led him to two important conclusions. Firstly, he was going to stop being a dick. To his friends, to Tyler, to people like Gerard. He wanted to stop hurting them, at least as much as he could. The other thing was, he was in love with a ghost/idea. Like, stupidly in love. He wasn’t sure when or how it’d happened, or what that meant, but it was true. Luckily, Gerard burst through the door at that exact moment like an angel coming down from heaven to offer him guidance. “You’re demisexual,” his neighbor announced, dropping his backpack to the floor.  
“I’m a what?”  
“Demisexual.”  
“What?”  
Gerard rolled his eyes exasperatedly. “It’s pretty obvious, Josh. It’s a form of asexuality. Basically, it means you aren’t sexually attracted to, well, anyone until you form a strong emotional connection to them. Then, sometimes, you are. It’s not very common, but you’re the lucky winner, buddy.”  
Josh turned the idea over in his mind. “That sounds like something you found on Tumblr.”  
“I’m a phycology major!” Gerard exclaimed.  
“Oh… really?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Also, you have to apologize to Tyler if you want anything to get better.”  
“Wh- apologize?! He should be the one apologizing to me! He… lip-raped me!”  
“So?” Gerard’s voice was turning stern again. “You liked it! And it’s not just that; you’re his only friend, Josh! He doesn’t have anybody else. He killed himself, for god’s sake! And you think it’s okay to, just, throw him out and let him cry himself to sleep?! After everything? Grow some balls, Dun.”  
The words hit him harder than Brendon’s fist ever could. Josh was shocked into silence for the next few minutes while Gerard put his stuff away. Finally, he put the mac and cheese down and sat up a little straighter. “Fine. You’re… you’re right.” It was almost painful to say.  
Gerard smiled, pushing his crooked glasses back up his nose. “Anytime. Now, get out of my room and stop eating my food. You’ve got some explaining to do and I’ve got new episodes of Death Note to watch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya bitch isn't feeling 100% but I updated anyway because I didn't want to leave you guys hanging.  
> I hope you feel special.


	13. Initiative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which all is well.

Glass pen vs. fall from the fourth story of an apartment building. Josh hadn’t quite realized the implications until that moment. It looked that a tiny glass bomb had exploded all over the sidewalk, like someone had thrown a beer bottle out the window. The people walking back and forth all week long had eroded it into even smaller pieces while the rain and wind washed a lot of that away. If the writing instrument had been broken before, now it was destroyed. He couldn’t even find the middle part with ink after minutes of searching.  
His fingertips scraped against the cement as he crouched down and picked up one of the tiny pieces. It twinkled dimly as he rolled it between his thumb and forefinger. There was no way he could fix this. He could feel his newly found confidence crumble in a matter of seconds.  
Tyler was gone. All this weather, just rain.  
He’d been so… so stupid!  
It just wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t. He was ready to apologize now, but it was too late.  
He cupped the little jade-colored fragment in his hands like it was a newborn baby. A car drove by on the street, throwing a wave of dirty rainwater up at him. He quickly closed his hands around the glass and turned his cheek away. It stung the little cuts still on his bruised face. When the car was gone, he let out a small sniffle. Tears were forming in his eyes again, and this time he didn’t fight them.  
All he wanted was Tyler back.  
All he wanted was a second chance, a chance to prove he was something more than a self-absorbed asshole who drank too much.  
Josh didn’t believe in God, not really. But now he found himself whispering up at the gray sky. “Please,” he said quietly. “Please let me try again.”  
There was no answer.  
Something inside him broke.  
~ ~ ~  
He’d planned on being in a whole different state by the time the sun was setting, but shortly after he’d gotten out of the city he’d seen the spot where he’d pulled over to write Tyler into existence on Halloween a few weeks ago. He couldn’t bring himself to pass it. So, now here he was, leaning against the tire of his Mustang as he watched the sunset. It was beautiful. All pale yellow and citrus orange painted against the clouds. It had stopped raining, finally. The dampness was all crystalizing into frost on the leaf litter, off to the side of the road. It was almost winter time. Josh noticed all of these things simply because he knew Tyler would have noticed them. That, and the fact he had no idea where he was going or what he was doing. And he didn’t want to think about it.  
He pulled a scrap of paper out of his pocket, examining it carefully. Writing had really helped him. Helped him organize his thoughts, calm down. Maybe it would help now, even if there wasn’t a point. He pulled open the car door and slid into the driver’s seat to grab a mechanical pencil out of the cup holder. He nearly started writing like he normally did, in the format of a journal entry, but then he hesitated. It didn’t feel… powerful enough. Important enough. Maybe he should write a poem. Tyler probably liked poems.

I fell in love with a ghost  
Out, under the moonlight  
You took my hand and held me close  
For once I was alright

I cried and the tears fell from my eyes  
Like a waterfall  
And I swear I could feel you in my arms  
But there was no one there at all

You were my clarity, I swear  
All alone in a daydream  
Yeah there was magic in the air  
And you were right here beside me  
Held down like an angel with no wings  
I wanna fly again  
I just can't get you off my mind  
And now I'm gonna be up all night 

I tossed and turned in the end  
With no one to talk to  
I searched again and again  
But I never found you  
I don't wanna say goodbye  
It's tearing me up inside  
I just can't get you off my mind  
And now I'm gonna be up all night  
A whisper on the air  
Made my heart rate fall  
When I heard you call  
And I swear, I could hear your voice in my ear  
But there was no one there at all 

By the time he was finished, he’d been reduced to a shaking, sobbing mess of a human being. His whole body felt heavy and empty and cold and he couldn’t stand it. He was about to scream at the now dark sky when he heard it.  
The breathing.  
Josh’s whole body froze.  
“ ‘M not a ghost, Josh. ‘M an idea.”  
Josh was met by the sweetest sight he’d ever laid eyes on when he turned his head to look at the passenger seat. A skinny, strangely colorless 20-year old in a hoodie pulled over his head was huddled on the leather seat, dark eyes just barely visible.  
“Ideas are hard to get rid of, Josh. You’ll need to try a lot harder.” Tyler’s hand moved across the seat to Josh’s. Their fingers easily interlaced, and Josh squeezed his hand tightly as he watched Tyler’s real olive skin tone bloom across the back of his hand. It took every ounce of self-control not to fling himself across the middle console and attack the other man in hugs and kisses, but he knew better. There was no way he was scaring him away for a second time. Josh’s mouth opened as he began to speak, but Tyler quickly let go of his hand to press a finger to his lips. “You don’t need to say anything.” Tyler’s voice was cracking. “I know what you wrote. And I forgive you, Josh. …I love you t-oo. I’m so so-rry.” Tyler immediately broke down into shaky breaths and Josh heard rain begin to strike the metal roof of the car.  
“No no no no, Ty. It’s alright.” He tugged Tyler into his lap, holding the other boy close against his chest. “You did nothing wrong. I’m just a piece of shit, alright? Absolute shit. You deserve so much better, babe.” The nickname slipped out naturally, and Josh turned pink as he kept mumbling reassurance. “I’m working on being better for you though, alright? I’ll do anything, anything you want me to. As long as you stay here. I’ll make you a thousand cups of tea if you want.”  
Tyler stopped crying to giggle, his face still buried in Josh’s neck. Josh continued to rock the other boy back and forth, letting his hand run up and down the back of Tyler’s hoodie. He took the edges of Tyler’s hood between his fingers and pulled it down. He didn’t quite understand- Tyler was obviously upset. But his skin was beginning to feel warm, and his face was filled with pigment for the first time. His soft, tannish cheeks were flushed and streaked with tears. Josh could finally see the color of his eyes, a deep, rich brown that matched his tousled hair. His lips, god, his lips were crimson. He was so perfect.  
Tyler was looking at Josh much the same way, except his eyebrows were drawn together in concern. “Someone hurt you,” Tyler whispered, grazing a thumb across the bruising around Josh’s eyes, then down to his slightly crooked nose. “Someone hurt you bad.”  
“I deserved it,” Josh replied. “As… um… as long as I’m not too ugly to kiss.” An embarrassed smile spread across his face.  
“You’re the hottest man I‘ve ever seen in my life. ‘N a good poet.”  
Josh smiled as he pressed his lips gently to Tyler’s forehead, inhaling the scent of his hair. It was warm, because of his newly found body heat, and earthy, probably from the fact he’d spent a week outside.  
Very human.  
He wiped the smaller boy’s face clean with his sleeve, then carefully tilted his chin up. Tyler’s eyes sparkled as he looked up at Josh for a long moment. “God, you’re gorgeous,” Josh finally muttered, cupping Tyler’s jaw in his hands. The other boy relaxed into his grip, eyes slipping shut. “I’m gunna take such good care of you, I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting another work, so the progress on this one has slowed down considerably. Hopefully, this is a good enough "ending" to make you all feel closure. Maybe you'll get more, eventually, but nothing is for sure. Maybe in weeks, maybe years, not sure. But thank you for sticking around.
> 
> If you really reeeeeeeeeaaally want the smut, look up this fic on Wattpad. It's there.


End file.
